Starting Over

Entry One


Who is John the Baptist?
And how is he like Elijah?

A man who had Israel in the palm of his hand
A man who the officials respected and feared
A man who gave it all away to Jesus
A man who later doubted Christ had come

Who is John the Baptist?
How can I learn through his decreasing? What is to truly decrease?

What is true adventure? Is there something beyond honesty and integrity? I have found something precious beyond the honesty of “I know how to do something”. Like Jacob who lied to get the blessing because he wanted it that bad. There’s a dangerous line out there. Integrity must be there. And accountability. Because without those, someone could run off of a cliff into megalomaniacal infidelity. And yet, adventure may be there, too. Can adventure’s allure become too great for us? That’s a book I shall have to write one day.

I have felt more alone and free in these last few weeks than I have in years. Both for better and worse. Locked inside a cage of politics and doing what others would want from me or for me. Locked inside a terrible place of wondering what is really living or dying. And now, I’ve felt more alive than I have in the last year.

At the same time, Anxiety and fear creep in at any moment against my soul- the fear that the Master Manipulator will try to make me believe I’m not supposed to be happy. Or that happiness isn’t really waiting for me. Or that it’s only a vacation.

But what brings my soul peace is being away from all of this.

The list of fears I have are great and mighty. But I suppose the outcome of such things could happen anywhere or any time over any thing. The better thing will always be to follow Peace. And I finally have Peace.

I know others won’t see it that way- and some may believe I’m being malicious. After all, it was always said, I would burn it all to the ground. Perhaps, that is what I want. Without our wits and ambitions, at least then people would be free. At least then we would need Jesus to rebuild us.
Time for my desires to burn. But as for me and my house- I am done burning. I’m going to light the match one last time and disappear. And I can’t wait to be free in the flames.

Though I believe it will take some time for me to feel absolute, free and alive.

Surreal and spiritual
True and holy
What an unnerving and holy thing!
I want to breath.
I want to dance.
I want to laugh.
I want to hope.
I want to dream.
And finally, I feel as though I can.

His yoke is easy. His burden is light. Anything more or less is lip service.

The bird’s song
and heaven’s drip
are music to my ears
My heart rests in knowing You are beside me
in You I find purpose and joy
I found a home
And it’s Your arms
I found rest
And it’s your adoption
The rain and the bird’s sing of Your glory
I join them in my silence
Always quiet
Always Yours


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