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Keith G. Alderman

  • “What is your Sabbath?”


    Luke 13:13-14:
    And [Jesus] laid His hands on her, and immediately she was made straight, and glorified God. But the ruler of the synagogue answered with indignation, because Jesus had healed on the Sabbath; and he said to the crowd, “There are six days on which men ought to work; therefore come and be healed on them, and not on the Sabbath day.” The Lord then answered him and said, “Hypocrite! Does not each one of you on the Sabbath loose his ox or donkey from the stall, and lead it away to water it?”

    Luke 14:2-3:
    And behold, there was a certain man before Him who had dropsy. And Jesus, answering, spoke to the lawyers and Pharisees, saying, “Is it lawful to heal on the Sabbath?” But they kept silent. And He took him and healed him, and let him go. Then He answered them, saying, “Which of you, have a donkey or an ox that has fallen into a pit, will not immediately pull him out on the Sabbath day?”


    It’s interesting to me how the Sabbath has garnered a new reputation among Christians over the last several years—let’s say, 7-10 years. (Though it feels more recent.) I recall its beginning when pastors and leaders at conventions commanded us to honor the Sabbath and protect our days of rest religiously, pledging it would drive back “burnout” and “lost focus”. 

    The words started sifting down the Church body from there: 
    “This is my Sabbath.”
    “I can’t do that; it’s my Sabbath.”
    “Can’t take that call; it’s my Sabbath.”
    “Have you taken your Sabbath this week?”
    “You need a Sabbath.”
    “Can’t help you tomorrow; it’s my Shabbat.” 

    Now, don’t get ahead of me. I can see your religious shoulders rising from here. I am not saying a Sabbath or day of rest is wrong. I’m merely pointing out that this lingo is a recent fad. And perhaps a dangerous one. 

    It’s true that some denominations like Seventh Day Adventist may have always revered the Sabbath, or spoken about it often. But there is no denying that until recently, most Christians didn’t talk about the Sabbath. They spoke about going to church—true. Or resting in the Lord—yes. But grabbing hold of a specific day with both fists and declaring it pertinent to honor it? 

    If you know me or what I write, you know I speak ill of the empathetic/soulish/therapeutic/love-yourself-more culture that has propagated in the Western Church over the last decade. I can’t help thinking this “can’t help, gotta take my Sabbath” verbiage is a product of it as well. 

    Now, again, I’m not advocating that we do not have days of rest or letting go of our troubles and trusting in the Lord. What I am advocating is the FACT that the Sabbath is part of the Old Covenant. Therefore, having been fulfilled, we no longer need to honor it, but instead, recognize, with the law written on our hearts, that EVERY DAY should be the Sabbath. 

    The Writer of Hebrews stated in chapter 4, the Rest spoken of in the Old Testament was not found after Moses’ law was written, or Joshua’s Promised Land conquered. Hebrews 4:9 says, “There remains therefore a rest for the people of God. For he who entered His rest has himself also ceased from his works as God did from His.” 

    Christ’s death and resurrection, having fulfilled the law, is what delivered us unto the Rest. Hebrews 4:11 says, “Let us therefore be diligent to enter that rest…”

    Our rest—our Sabbath—does not come upon one day or a specific moment that we religiously adhere to, but instead springs from our everyday lives. Our every moment is to be a life, in action from a constant-Sabbath. We are to live as a living-sacrifice, upon the altar…never-ending. Not once a week, and surely not when we feel like it. But always. 

    That’s why our spiritual fathers and those who wrote the New Testament never spoke of the Sabbath. 

    They understood they had entered the Sabbath fully now. Works were dead, in a sense, because every day was worked out of love and obedience, rather than religion and fear. The Sabbath was dead, in a sense, because every day was in the Rest provided by the Messiah. Sacrifices were dead, in a sense, because now our lives were a living-sacrifice (Romans 12:1-2). 

    Again, for the third time, this doesn’t mean resting is a bad thing. Nor am I suggesting that everyone just shuts up and gets to work—every day—forever. On the contrary, I’m implying that our lives should be borne from an act of rest—resting from the understanding of His victory—and doing the good work that He has commissioned us to do.


    “So if you are saying the Sabbath is fulfilled, yet I should still rest, then what’s the point, Keith? Just let me have my special lingo that makes me sound so smart and like I understand the Lord more than others? All I’m doing is taking a day of rest to recoup from the long week,” said Someone reading this.

    I find two distinct temptations with this new lingo of “honoring my Sabbath”. If the temptations are not affronting you, then by all means, ignore my reasoning for this dialogue. However, I believe they may sneak into your flesh more than you realize. 

    The first is because of the aforementioned therapeutic/love-yourself-more culture that has invaded Western Church, especially in the mega-church where iron is rarely sharpened, while everyone is taught Christ’s ultimate purpose for coming was for you to have a happy, rainbow-filled snowflake life. This “I can’t take that call right now…it’s my Sabbath…” dialogue is exactly what Christ was against when he rebuked the Pharisee who didn’t want to heal the sick, but thought it fine to pull his donkey from a pit. 

    It’s a cop-out; an excuse for more “me-time” when our lives are meant to be living-sacrifices. “Need to hit the green today and watch a movie, because I spent too much time praying for the sick and needy all week.” Give me a break! How many demons did you cast out this week? How many dead did you raise to life? How many souls did you snatch from Hell? How many did you make disciples? 

    I’m not saying you don’t need rest after a lot of hard work. 

    But! that’s indicative of you choosing not to live in a constant state of rest, rather than a sign you must say “no” to the Lord, helping others, or changing the world at the Holy-Spirit’s notice. Most likely, you need to give less of your time to your phone, social media, movies/entertainment, sports, making money, and all the rubbish you fill your life with in order to not feel empty inside. Then you would have plenty of margin to jump up and help when the need arises. Then you would say “yes” to Christ, because you had said “no” to so much distraction. 

    This idea that you must “love yourself more” flies in the face of everything Christ taught. We are meant to decrease, not increase. We are meant to love Him more; love ourselves less. We go to the end of the table, the lowly seat, and there He will lift us up. The first shall be last; the last shall be first. He who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted. Ugh, guys…start reading your Bibles.

    I’ve gotten on my soapbox again… 

    You can read plenty I have to say about all that in other musings. But I’d like to get to the other red flag I see with this Sabbath talk. And it’s again directly linked to the scriptures I mentioned earlier in Luke, chapters 13 and 14, when the Pharisees questioned Christ healing others on the Sabbath. 

    Christ was (is) perfect. He never sinned, nor did he break the Law. He came into a time during the Old Covenant, and fulfilled it perfectly. His death snapped the Law in half, having justly completed it, and thus began the New Covenant 

    When the Pharisees saw him, they saw no sin. But they hated him for it. To them, He was a threat to everything they held power with, and saw the end of their prideful authority. There’s so much more to it than needs to be expressed here, but let’s get down to it—they didn’t have anything on him…except, maybe let’s just point out “he heals on the Sabbath”. 

    (What’s funny is that He often alluded to His authority as Christ, and told those following Him who he was, and that alone should have given them cause to stone Him. But they wanted to turn the crowds against Him and thought the only way would be to put Him up against the Holy Day.)

    I’m a farmer. And I try to take a family-rest day at least once a week when we all can play together and not need to get a lot done around the house. But I’m still a farmer. The animals need to be let out, fed, and taken care of. If one of them broke a gate during the night, I must fix it. If a tree fell down in a storm, I must mend the fence it fell on. Going on a vacation is nearly unthinkable, and a simple night away must be meticulously planned for months. You get the point. There aren’t many “rest” days like the average American. 

    That’s why when Christ asks the Pharisees, “Which of you, having a donkey for an ox that has fallen into a pit, will not immediately pull him out on the Sabbath day?”, it hits home a little more now than it used to. 

    The only thing the religious could pin against Christ was something so stupid, asinine, and irrelevant as “breaking the Sabbath”. And they knew they “broke” it themselves every week to take care of such menial things. And here—the gall!—Christ is “breaking” it to change someone’s life forever. 

    It makes my heart weak when I consider how I am like the Pharisees. In what way am I judging Christ (or Christ’s messengers) in what He does because it doesn’t fit my religious perspective? What “Sabbath” (or let’s call it a golden calf) am I holding in high esteem that I misjudge others based upon? If someone is getting someone saved, am I excited…or disappointed with how it occurred? 

    And this ugly, ugly question is where all this ends. Have we let ourselves become so religious, fixated on what our denomination believes, or favorite preacher says, that we have lost our love for reaching the lost? 

    I stay silent on social media until I know the Lord is prompting me, because I’ve found it to be unprofitable and useless when I engage in foolish disputes, genealogies, contentions, and strivings about the law. However, when the Lord prompts, I speak, not because I want my voice heard, but because my heart longs for what the Lord longs for, and I never want to abandon His Bride. It burns in my bones like a fire. And erupts…

    Why are we arguing with each other about the small foxes, instead of reaching the lost? 

    We all see it. This is the end of our time on Earth. The Lord is returning soon. So quit yourselves, awaken your souls, stir your spirits, and declare the “too-good-to-be-true” news of Jesus Christ. Our petty squabbles over mundane religious things are irrelevant to preaching the Gospel and saving the lost. 

    It doesn’t mean we don’t need the Truth, or to sharpen ourselves to the Word of God. I’m not suggesting we just “save people” as many as we can, even if we sin and blaspheme. That’s not true salvation. 

    But it does mean we need to stop publicly arguing with every Christian we disagree with. 

    “Well…actually the Word of God says…” says the nerd who hasn’t led anyone to Christ in his whole life. 

     Shut up! No one cares about your rubbish, except the blind following the blind. You’ve made yourself a whitened sepulcher. Look at the fields; the harvest is white. Go and reach the lost (outside of your computer chair!) and change the world. Be a living-sacrifice! Renew your mind to the Word of God. Don’t be taken in or misled by false doctrines or religious lies. They deceive even the elect! The chaff is being separated from the wheat! So make yourself and the Word one. Know it. 


    Something came to mind a few days ago, and I knew it was the Lord. It was a message for me, and not the world, so I didn’t feel inclined to share it. But now, writing this, I see my words have led me here. It’s something I am continuing to learn and work out in my faith through fear and trembling. Yet now, I find it pertinent to share. 

    It was a simple rebuke and redirection from the Lord. 

    Stop educating yourself about all that those against you may say or think. In other words, stop staring at counterfeit money. 

    Instead, know what the Truth says. Spend your life in the Word. Attach yourself to it;

    talk about it; think about it; dream about it; read it; listen to it. 

    Then, when you are faced with any demonic force—be it a person, dispute, attack, or failure—it will be unable to confuse you or put words in your mouth; you will know the Truth and you will know what to say. 


    There is a promise from Heaven. A rest given from Jesus’ death and resurrection. And we must be diligent to enter that rest, lest anyone fall according to the same example of disobedience. For the Word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account. (Hebrews 4:11-13)

    I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith. (Romans 12:1-3)


    Somehow, I feel it must be said again. Your day of resting is not the problem. Your attitude toward it and others is.

  • Forgive May


    Last week we discussed forgiveness at church. The Holy Spirit spoke directly and wonderfully to all of us, and I felt inclined to share it. 

    It seems apropos for today, Memorial Day. As we remember those who gave their lives for our nation in service, we remember what Christ gave for our redemption and forgiveness. 


    Forgiveness is foreign, as in it is from a foreign country; God’s country. And only by leaving our residence and entering His domain will we ever be able to both receive and demonstrate true forgiveness. 


    It is difficult to forgive the simplest crimes without first receiving Christ’s forgiveness.
    It is impossible to forgive betrayal without first the full revelation of what Christ forgave in us. 


    Christ demanded that you forgive as you have been forgiven. Refusing to do so is rebellion and idolatry. 


    To refuse to forgive someone is to idolize their power in your life. 


    Holding onto bitterness is to exalt that person’s status in your life above Christ. It is declaring that obedience to God is secondary to our pain and anger. When Christ told us to hate our mother and father, brother and sister, in order to be His disciple, He was teaching us about this alignment of love, honor and worship. Therefore, to refuse to forgive someone is to love them more than you love Christ. To lower their status, thus following Christ’s instruction to forgive and let go, we actually learn how to love that individual and all others in the process. Again, we see the strange reversed procedure of our Creator in action, akin to “the first shall be last and the last shall be first”.


    If my past hurt or betrayal leaves me trembling in fear or anger at a name, it is evidence that I have exalted that person above Christ. 


    If sin/betrayal acted against me shakes my entire world, it is evidence that the individual was placed as God in my life, placed by me. Therefore, to be properly aligned with God as my source and purpose means no amount of betrayal from a spouse, parent, pastor or politician can ever upend me. It may sting; but to be truly in God’s arms leaves me unable to be influenced by outside forces, even those that the carnal mind would call intimate and necessary.


    Forgiveness is not reconciliation. Forgiveness is the repentance and removal of the idol you have made your betrayer. Only after you have properly lowered the status of the individual, will you be properly prepared to reconcile. 


    To refuse to forgive is sin. To forgive is to repent.


    The greatest proof of forgiveness is not whether you can forget that person and their actions, but whether you joyfully anticipate seeing them in Heaven beside you. 


  • Chasing after God


    Psychology/modern therapy has watered down (much of Western) Christianity to a neutered self-help program that cares more about not “hurting people’s feelings” than it does for changing the world. 

    Christians struggle not with principalities but with upsetting those around them (and sadly consider it persecution if they do), instead of shouting from the rooftops what they believe. 

    A.I. is writing many pastors’ sermons now because it gives them a chance to “hit the green” after a tough day of praying for someone. 

    People consider a degree more valuable than the Word of God.  

    And the common carnal person doesn’t know what to believe as truth anymore. Every article is glanced at with scrutiny because A.I./media has destroyed trust in people. Did the President/politician/celebrity really say that? Did that event happen? Does that city look like that? 

    Truth is compromised. It is not even on trial before Pilate; it’s thought to be unattainable. 

    Without truth, without trust, without faith-filled, bold Christians, and without Spirit-filled, fiery ministers, we are left with a dystopia. 


    1984 taught that the control of intelligence and fear would destroy us. Brave New World surmised that sexual freedom and euphoria would be our downfall. Fahrenheit 451 guessed that the destruction of knowledge and creativity would kill us. That Hideous Strength knew that the real threat was in our universities being overtaken by the works of demon-possession by professors and world-leaders who didn’t know their new psychedelic friend was not an alien or “spirit entity” but actually a demon. 

    They all were frighteningly close to our present (C.S. Lewis will probably prove to be the most accurate, and his was the only book with a solution). In reality, it’s simply the abandonment of Truth that will destroy us.

    What is truth? (John 18:38)

    His name is Jesus. And every knee will bow to Him. (Romans 14:11)
    The question will be whether He knew you and you knew Him. (Matthew 7:27)
    Did you know “what is truth?” 

    The life of chasing after people’s affections and approval is gone. (John 2:24) We need to chase after Him. (Matthew 6:33) And nothing more. We need to love Christ so much that it looks like we hate our mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters. (Luke 14:26) We need to get uncomfortable in our lives. Live by faith. (Romans 1:17) Walk by faith. (2 Corinthians 5:7) Renew our minds to be like Him. (Romans 12:1-2) Please God with our faith. (Hebrews 11:6) We need to cast out demons, raise the dead, heal the sick, and save those around us. (Matthew 10:8)

    A.W. Tozer lamented eighty-years ago: “How tragic that we in this dark day have had our seeking done for us by our teachers…The lack of it has brought us to our present low estate. The stiff and wooden quality about our religious lives is a result of our lack of holy desire. Complacency is a deadly foe of all spiritual growth. Acute desire must be present or there will be no manifestation of Christ to His people. He waits to be wanted. Too bad that with many of us He waits so long, so very long, in vain.”


    There are no adjectives allowed in front of our Christian identity. Nothing to add to make someone understand why you are the kind of Christian you are. When you add an adjective to a noun, you alter its identity to fit a descriptor. A “car” is an automobile. But “THIS BLUE, RUSTY car” has become something else, something homogenous and specific, isolated from simply “carriage”. An adjective changes the nature of that noun.

    But we aren’t meant to change the nature of Christ. We are meant to become it through the renewing of our minds as a living sacrifice. 

    There aren’t black, white, yellow, or red Christians. No Republican or Democrat Christians. No Methodist, Unitarian, Baptist, Catholic, or Non-Denominational Christian. You can’t be a gay Christian. Or a pro-choice Christian. Because all of those adjectives change the identity of the noun. There is neither Greek nor Jew; male nor female. (Galatians 3:28)

    I’m merely Christian—“little Christ” or “anointed one”. And as a Christian, that identity means I change myself into being like Him. That means I only live by what the Bible teaches and I live by what it demands of me. And in obedience to Him, I find His pleasure and purpose. He delights in life. He knew you and hand-hewn you in your mother’s womb, making you fearfully and wonderfully. (Jeremiah 1:5; Psalm 139:14). Therefore, you can’t accept the idea of abortion as good or just. It is wrong. Marriage between a man and woman is the first and ONLY institution that we still have in effect that God first created. (Genesis 2:24) Every other institution (the church, government, law, and covenant) was made after sin. But marriage between one man and one woman was His original concept and plan. It is truth. 

    As I said earlier, modern psychology has put the focus on the self. Self-esteem, self-love, and self-confidence. But Christ taught us that our self was to become less and less. “More of Him and less of me.” He must increase, I must decrease. (John 3:30) Elijah was the greatest prophet, full of power and confidence, until he considered his own life, fled, and wallowed on the mountainside, ultimately giving up his ministry in depression. Yes, his soul was restored on the way to the clouds, but his power was not.

    This pitiful idea of loving your self and taking care of yourself above all other things has led to many disillusioned, depressed, and ineffectual Christians. We weren’t meant to live with our selves on our minds, but Christ and His Bride. Yet modern psychology has taught a generation that every fault, sin, or mistake of theirs is the product of someone else hurting them or a system taking advantage of them. “Point the finger at someone else and take no responsibility. It’s okay that you are a mess, embrace it. Embrace your feelings and let them out.” But the Word teaches us to take every thought captive. (2 Corinthians 10:5) Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit. (Galatians 5:22) We must forgive our brother seventy times seven, or else the worm of bitterness will eat us away. (Matthew 18:21; Mark 9:48) 

    As modern psychology has been adopted more and more by churches, we have seen an uptick of depression, burnout, fear, anxiety, and unbelief in Christians. These churches aren’t teaching that we are all sinners in need of a Savior, or that we must renew our minds as living sacrifices; instead, it’s taught we can come as we are and stay as we are, so long as we serve on the “dream-team”, lead a small group, and greet people with a smile. In fact, it’s best you don’t get better because then you might evolve past our rudimentary help and not need us—isn’t that the model of the therapist as well? When a church operates like this, what is the difference between it and a psychotherapist office? 

    The church I grew up in didn’t operate like this. The pastors sought Jesus and His Spirit above all things. And the fulfillment of His Spirit and revelation made serving and generosity a joy and freedom. Instead, many churches today are teaching the notion that serving and generosity will get to you that fulfillment. But it won’t. Serving and generosity without the joy and presence of God are only “works”.

    We are Christians; we hold the Creator of the universe inside of us. He can take every lump of coal and make a diamond; restore any soul by filling it with His Spirit. But that’s the rub; churches have elevated the mind—the soul—and forgotten the Spirit. 

    Meanwhile, in a world that throws Truth and Christ away, people turn to therapists as “secular priests” that offer nothing more than a pill and an ear to listen. I don’t mean that therapists are evil people—I assume, or hope, most got into the business to help others. Nor am I implying that someone seeking help is wrong in doing so. I’m merely pointing out that it’s not good enough. To go from “a messed up, broken train wreck” to “drug-addicted, anxious, afraid, yet socially acceptable” is not a solution. 

    Christ offers more, but if the Church is afraid to offer Him, what else does the person have?

    And, what’s even sadder, many pastors have turned to the therapist for guidance, because they have become so consumed/addicted in their material well-being and the “chug-chugga-chug” of the weekend service, that they don’t know where else to turn and culture around them screams that this is the solution. They have forgotten how to take every thought captive, deal with their feelings and emotions (or were never discipled properly in the first place), and ran to the only place they still felt safe—a therapist—someone far removed from the Church body and “HIPPA law-mandated” not to share their secrets. Instead of iron sharpening iron, they got, “You’ve got to take time for yourself and love yourself better.” 

    It’s fluffy, it feels good, but it’s the wrong approach until it results in a pastor too afraid to pray with his church because it overwhelms him. And deep down, he knows it’s wrong, so he piles on more work and events to make it seem like he is productive, and round and round it goes. “Better get that staff worker to do more so I can hit the nine-iron and let go of some of this stress. But above all else, don’t spend time in the Word seeking Him. That would be too taxing.”

    And the dilemma of a pastor not being in the Word has its carnal solution now, as well. And it’s been pushed by pastoral mentors and mega-church leaders left and right for the last four years plus. Artificial Intelligence. It’s a lot easier to get a message written by a computer in seconds than it is to seek the Lord all week. Why listen to the Holy Spirit when the computer will tell me what He said? 

    But who’s doing the talking? It’ll take a half-life of a generation before every minister brought up in this culture has zero-idea what the Bible actually teaches, and whatever corporation or demonic spirit that is influencing the A.I. can finally rewrite the Bible how they see fit.

    I’ve seen and listened to it firsthand in ministry, preached from the pulpit to dozens, if not hundreds of pastors. The writing is on the wall. The cloudy hand is floating on the horizon. It’s coming. And it’s the thing that my mind runs to when I think of the state of the Church. I can’t help but feel agitated because I want people to know how magnificent their Creator is. He’s more than what many are regurgitated.

    And if this is the end of our present, and many of us are to be whisked away to His presence soon enough, I want to know I did my best. I feel as if I’m a missionary for Christians, desiring to introduce Christians to Christ, so they can see how powerful and good He is. I’ve raised the dead, healed the sick, helped restore marriages, and been financially set free. And some religious person might say, “How dare you think you raised someone from the dead or did those things!” And I would quote Peter in Acts 3:6: “Silver and gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you: In the name of Jesus Christ.”

    Not because I am mighty, holy, brilliant, or special, but because He is mighty, holy, brilliant and living inside of me. And I believe His Word at face value. I refuse to change my mind to meet any experience or modern teaching. I only demand that my life looks like what Christ displayed, and until it does, I proclaim His truth.

    I say all of this in order to prod and awaken my brothers and sisters. You can be bold in shouting from the rooftops what you believe and know as truth. You can stand against the things that are contrary to the Word. You can challenge your pastor and mentor. You can get on your face before God and seek Him for everything He is. The time is come. 

    I know some will like this post and some will not. Some may writhe and scream and show their demonic influence. And I even know many Christians will like it, but not say a word, because for them, it’s easier to not rattle cages, hurt feelings or “lose people”. They have made a friend of the world. And I would only respond with: “Have I become your enemy because I tell you the truth?” (Galatians 4:16)

    I don’t want to be remembered as a Christian that played it safe or walked with his head tucked low between his shoulders. And I don’t want to stand before Christ and realize, I never knew Him—that I never knew Truth. But instead that I did know It, sought after It daily above all other things and shouted It from the rooftops. And you can and should, too. 


  • Thoughts on the Mountain about Church Hurt


    Thursday, I dragged my 64-year-old father up Cumberland Gap for a backpacking excursion. It’s his birthday on Monday. Happy Birthday, Dad! Glad I could torture both of us with a long hike into the woods. 

    Along lengthy miles, aching muscles, and merry laughter, we discussed a myriad of ideas, postulations, and beliefs, staying up late next to burning embers and my sleeping dog. Naturally, I wanted to write down some of those, and perhaps, eventually, I’ll get to all of them; what “two-becoming-one” means, the dangers of AI in the Church, and the effect of the camera on churches everywhere. 

    But to begin, I want merely to discuss the act of raising specific earthly individuals into great esteem.

    This came after a pointed question when I asked my Dad if his father ever abused him. This question did not derive from my own experiences or an idea that my “Granddaddy” wasn’t anything but honorable, heroic, and idyllic. On the contrary, he was and has been a hero of mine for most of my life—a man who laid his life down for the Kingdom of God and did everything in his power to follow Jesus and lead his family in so doing. 

    But my inference developed from a recent conversation with a family member, and I was eager to see what my father would say alone on the mountain. And we were alone. Not a human soul did we meet for two full days along eleven miles of hiking. 

    My father confirmed my suspicion and detailed some of the incidents his father had lost his temper born from anger or embarrassment and left him a bloody mess all the way into his late teen years before my father eventually left the house, quickly married and joined the Army. 

    Years later, my father was able to forgive his Dad before he had suffered from Alzheimer’s and passed away at age 67. It was in those years of forgiveness and a failing mind, my Dad saw his own father able to forgive himself finally, as he’d forgotten all the sins he still held against himself. He could finally be happy with himself again. 

    I’ll get back to that.


    Amidst the dialogue on the mountain, my father remarked aside, “I don’t mean to hash this up or act as though I’m smearing my father. I really have let all this go.”

    I understood and brushed off the thought. My curiosity hadn’t developed from gossip, but a mere desire to know familial historical events. What would be the point of gossiping about a patriarch who is in paradise and free from all sin and regrets, anyway? 

    My respect, honor…or…let’s say, vision of my Granddaddy could never skew one way or the other based on the amount of sin or greatness he had accomplished that I may be ignorant of today. The reason why I love him is effectively produced by his love and devotion to the Lord and passing that along to all of us in the family. 

    But he is still a man, worthless and empty without Christ; righteous and holy with Him.

    And that is what the point of all this gets to. 

    Ofttimes, humans have a nasty inclination to make untouchable heroes out of men or women. Secularly, its celebrities, athletes, therapists, teachers, or politicians. Religiously, its pastors, ministers, deacons, bishops, and worship leaders. We are affected by someone, or witness a miracle, or receive a timely word that shakes our very being. And with it rattling down our psyche, we place a person securely on a lofty pedestal, where they cannot be touched. If others criticize or offer some new unsavory information about that person, we grow defensive like a wolf over her pups. There is a temptation to refuse and refute, pull away, hide our eyes, and ignore what may be the truth, but we know is a lie.

    I have had a few people whom I consider great influencers and spiritual fathers in my life. Ones that primarily shaped and developed my faith. The lineage of Alderman patriarchs are some of them—being great men of faith and the cloth; my Dad, especially. Also, my pastor, Dan Stallbaum. And Andrew Wommack and C.S. Lewis, from afar. 

    As my father and I discussed this idea next to Martin’s Stream somewhere on the ridge, I confessed that no amount of damaging information about any of them would change how I feel. I’ve already been offered plenty of it. I know about my Great-grandfather’s fall into infidelity. I know about my Granddaddy’s temper. My Dad has confessed many of his sins to me. Protecting his reputation and honor, I wouldn’t dare mention them publicly. Nor would I discuss those about my pastor Dan Stallbaum, someone I love and respect, and unfortunately, some have tried to smear the name of in hopes of misdirecting from their own flaws and plank-filled eyes. 

    When I heard about these sins and mistakes, it didn’t shatter my world or rattle my faith. Weak men are affected by the faithless acts of others. 

    What I focus on is that my Great-grandfather repented and led his family and church to the end of his life. My Granddaddy, likewise. My father with them. And if I got some new information that suddenly Andrew Wommack and/or Dan Stallbaum had lost their minds, rejected their faith, or been locked up for embezzlement over the last two decades, I’d shrug and say, “That’s unfortunate. I hope they get help,” and move on. Because my faith is not dependent on the works of some ordinary men who taught me some extraordinary things. 

    None of these men were ever on a pedestal in my life. And because of that, I can honor them when others find it hard. The words they spoke that changed my life are what I hold up high in my life. And those words came from the Holy Spirit through them. But a person?…he’s fallible. Christ…He’s the fullness everlasting. 

    When we raise the pastor or worship leader higher than the Truth, we suffer idolatry. If we make gods out of people, they will become our greatest demons. 

    I’ve come to believe that the term “church hurt” is a demonic term. It’s thrown around so often now that it’s almost as common as tea with jam and bread. People love to express their “church hurt” or empathize with someone about what they assume is…”church hurt”. But no one ever talks about “school hurt” or “government hurt” or “auto-shop hurt”. Instead, they talk about mean bullies, seedy politicians, and con-artist mechanics. 

    Yet for some ungodly reason, Christians have let Satan insert a term into our vernacular that places the blame on the Church—the bride of Christ—instead of the individual who sinned. That, to me, is unacceptable. Stop calling your pain or bad memory the fault of the Church. If a pastor manipulated you, a deacon duped you, a minister forgot your name, or a worship-leader cheated with your wife—that’s not “church hurt”, it’s stupid-people-hurt.

    This “church hurt”, or whatever you want to call it now, is simply another term for idolatry.

    There’s an old saying, “Hurt people hurt people.” Which is true and anecdotal. But honestly, it’s even simpler than that. The truth is: “People hurt people.” I don’t have to be “hurt” to hurt you. I can do it without even trying or knowing it. And I have. As have others hurt me without realizing it or meaning to.

    People hurt people. It’s only when we have made them our god that we suffer disillusionment, depression, or destruction. In other words, if God’s Word is all that holds sway in my life, then I will never be shaken by the actions or words of another.

    Now, that’s not to say people shouldn’t be held accountable for their sins. Let’s not just let pastors embezzle or worship leaders have affairs or the laymen murder. Of course not! Let the law of the land have its way, lead the man or woman back to repentance, and move on. Apart from Christ, the wages of sin is death. The penitent heart finds grace, but the shameful heart hides itself in Hell. This is why confession is paramount. This is why any and all should repent and come forth into the light.

    You could misinterpret my message here to think I mean any time we react emotionally or distraught when someone we admire or love falls into sin, is itself sin. But I’m not admitting that we all act as though sin isn’t destructive, therefore easy to watch someone commit. I will give three different scenarios to flesh out my meaning.

    Say perhaps there is some old legend of the faith who had guided you in yours. And after his or her career, the knowledge of their prior misconduct—be it embezzlement, substance abuse, or infidelity—comes to the limelight. Or say there is a young teacher in the faith, who has learned through misguided leadership how to manipulate, lie, and cheat his or her way to the top of earthly fame. Lastly, and I’ll approach a scenario removed from the pastoral position, say it’s discovered your father has been unfaithful, even scandalous in years past, and those he abused have informed you decades later. Confronting him, you hope he repents and admits his faults, but instead he denies all the claims and runs away into hiding.

    In all of these scenarios, there is the temptation to crumble into depression or get angry and bitter. Those whom you admired and loved have now shown they were human after all. But to be emotionally affected by these individuals is not the same as having your faith shaken and rocked to pieces. Unfortunately, though, this is common in today’s culture. When the pastoral or father figure falls, people blame God and/or the Church, throw up their hands and declare, “Oh, I knew all of them were the same! That whole lot is nothing but a bunch of frauds and charlatans.” 

    Just because a mentor or spiritual father fails you, does not mean God or the Word failed you. You can still retain the wisdom and knowledge you gained from said individual whilst simultaneously nodding in understanding, loving their impact on your life, praying for them heartily, and releasing them to whatever whirlwind their sowing has committed them. You can be outspoken in your dislike for their methods and stand against them spiritually, even physically (I don’t mean physical harm here, but merely the physicality of your body in motion rather than your spirit). But this is not a sign of hatred of the individual; instead, a hatred of the root of a systematic problem in which they were taught and how they now teach—what we call: sin. 

    But none of another person’s sin holds any factoring in the production of my faith or love of the Church. My faith is not determined or dismantled by the sins of a person of influence in my life. If my father comes forth with an avalanche of sin that winds him up in prison, I don’t suddenly despise and reject all he has taught me that was good and true. I hold fast to those things, and hopefully I can turn to him and help him out of the mess he has found himself in. That’s forgiveness, redemption, discipleship…that’s the message of the Cross. 

    This is why I make an effort not to “follow” or puff up people of the faith who are still breathing. It’s much easier to go about my life with heroes of the faith like the Apostle Paul, C.S. Lewis and G.K. Chesterton when I know they are unlikely to get up out of the grave and commit some adulterous act. But if culture continues making celebrities, and, to put it bluntly, idols out of pastors, worship leaders, podcasters, and prophets, we are bound to have our hearts rattled from time to time. And then we must face the cloudy discernment of finding out if all that they taught was from God or not.

    So, we’ve established that if we do not hold people in high esteem—higher than God and His Word—we will not have our faith rattled. But now, what do we do with the sinner who is still leading many astray?

    I don’t despise this individual for wanting to hide in their sin while figuring out how to get out of it clean-shaven. I despise how the Enemy, Satan, has and is using that hidden sin to control or otherwise destroy them and others with them. 

    And the others–that’s a sticking point for me. That’s the part that tips me into righteous anger. How the sin of one in high esteem can shake down the ranks of those they lead. Again, I am not angry at the individual for sinning. I’m angry at the outcome they are fostering. Anyone who has read much of my previous writings has garnered some idea of my pain, betrayal, or otherwise frustration with the ethics and integrity (or lack thereof) of the modern progressive Western Church.

    When a church is built on manipulation and gaslighting, hundreds, if not thousands, can be led astray. And when the bubble bursts and the truth is revealed, the sheep scatter. 

    To where? That’s what I want to know. And what I want to help. Because sheep tend to think all shepherds and farms are bad just because one was abusive. I would hope desperately to let those sheep know that just because their earthly shepherd sucked, it doesn’t mean the Good Shepherd is bad, or that the Church itself is against them.

    So it’s this terrible balance of wanting to help uncover, but not at the expense of destroying lives. Instead, to unpack the wounds so that they may heal. It’s awful for everyone involved. But ultimately necessary. 

    If we would stop idolizing people, or making ourselves into another person’s idol (looking at you, designer-jeans pastors), we would stop this cyclical mess from occurring. 


    Now back to those curses I never spoke about, but are definitely there in the Alderman past with those great men before us. 

    1970, Marvin Daniel Alderman died from Alzheimer’s at age 66 with some unhealthy rage and abusive tendencies. 

    2002, Leland Leroy Alderman died from Alzheimer’s at age 67 with some unhealthy rage and abusive tendencies. 

    2026, John Marvin Alderman, age 64, hikes up 1700 feet of mountain with his son and dog to discuss the depths of what God is doing on the earth with a vibrant, healthy relationship. 

    My point is that by Christ’s grace and my father’s faith and obedience, those curses of Alzheimer’s and rage have been severed, and neither he, myself, nor my children will ever experience them. That’s freedom in Christ Jesus, and any hurt, abuse, or disease you have inherited can be severed, too.


  • Why NDA’s Have No Business Being in the Church


    There’s this growing trend among massive churches for NDA’s to be signed by pastors and supervisors upon their resignation. Now, of course, NDA’s (non-disclosure agreements) have been used for many years to protect from corruption of perhaps fraud, stealing, or selling secrets. On the ugly side of the spectrum, it would be to protect a certain individual or many individuals from their shady practices being known, thus extinguishing the threat of a lawsuit or media scandal. 

    Now, I hope just from that last statement it brings to the forefront the danger in using such a practice in churches. Here, an institution built on truth, God’s word, unity, and forgiveness is privately displaying (potentially, if not definitively) that they are afraid of truth.

    With an NDA, at best the church may be saying, “you will not disclose the private matters you have learned from parishioners whilst acting as a pastor or leader”. That’s noble. I won’t deny that. People share very private, intimate things with pastors, believing they will honor and protect them. 

    But that’s not the concern we all feel when we hear a church is practicing NDA’s with its staff. The temptation is obvious: hide what is happening behind closed doors in pertaining to the lead pastor’s private life, the lead pastor’s true motivation, the culture of the office, covered up sin in the church, money habits, embezzlement, lying…the list goes on and on. “We have a signed document stating you will not tell people why you felt like working at this church wasn’t a good idea anymore.”

    A church needs to be established on transparency and accountability. Unfortunately, western churches are encouraging pastors to stop talking to their staff or church about their personal matters or sins anymore. Instead, they are told to counsel with pastors 1,000 miles away. Ones that have only known them for a mere six months instead of a lifetime. Ones that will always take the pastor’s word over the word of someone on their staff or church. Because “the people who speak ill of them are ‘just crazy’ or ‘broken’ or ‘unforgiving’. 

    This is a habit that has nothing but negative consequences. And it’s why we see scandal after scandal come to fruition. 

    Many times, the staff knew about it for years, but kept looking away, brushing it under the rug, until someone was bold enough to stand up and shout what happened.


    So what am I saying? 

    I’m not saying that everyone who practices NDA’s in a church is covering up money laundering or sexual infidelity. 

    On the contrary, I’m saying that the use of NDA’s leads only to something as such. If we refuse accountability, or even the notion of accountability, because we are afraid of truth, we will always end up in sin. It’s not a question of “if the church is in sin”, it’s a question of “when they will be”.

    One of the first red flags you should have at any church you walk into is whether they practice NDA’s with their former staff and pastors. If it’s yes, then leave. Why would I want to entertain the possibility of sin? Flee from it.

    You could argue all day that it doesn’t mean the church or leadership is in sin. But it’s not about that. It’s about why the church or leadership feels they have the right to not be questioned about it. That’s a serious concern.

    It’s about control. It’s about holding a narrative. That’s the heartbeat behind it. And when a church is a control freak, you’ve got bigger problems. We aren’t the church’s property. We are Christ’s. We aren’t slaves of a pastor’s vision. We are bondservants of Christ.


    So, here’s the story. A day ago, I posted on social media about bad practices in the church. One of the comments I made was about NDA’s. So someone reached out to me, questioning my motivation and taking offense to the post. 

    We had a text bout back and forth until it landed nowhere. But one of the things that he said that really surprised, albeit alarmed me, was: “No one is forced to sign [an NDA]. The signer has days to review and days to change their mind. It’s not a pressure tactic as [you] implied.”

    I wanted to go into it more, but the conversation didn’t yield to it. I simply said, “There is plenty of pressure” and left it at that. I couldn’t shake the thought and ended up here writing. Because—dagblasted!—it matters!

    (One time my wife asked, “who are you writing for?” And it’s the people I know who are caught or stuck in a place that they feel they can’t question. Because…what else is there? But the truth is: there’s a lot more. A whole lot more in Christ Jesus. We are His Church. His Bride. And how we act is not determined by the whims of carnal men.)


    The Pressure: 

    I did not sign an NDA when I left the church I pastored at. Nor was I asked to. That practice came after me. But I can confidently describe the pressure one feels in “not talking about it.”

    I grew up in my church. I was there since 1989. I loved it with all my heart. When I was a teenager, I would attend all three services each Sunday morning because I wanted everything the current pastor had to spill. I rode my bike after school every day to serve and help, because for me, there wasn’t any other place that mattered. And I’m grateful for those years. They taught me so much about the Word and shaped me as a man. 

    As soon as I got married, I got a job there. I worked for 12 years. Pastored (on staff) for 5. 

    When God gave me the command to leave, it was the most gut-wrenching and painful thing I had ever done. I loved where I pastored and who I taught. But I knew that if I continued, I would have to change who I was, lose my integrity, and become something I don’t believe is outlined in the Bible.

    So yeah…it hurt. A lot. I went to my wife, dad, and four closest friends for guidance and prayer. I wanted to know if I was making a mistake, if something was off. But it wasn’t…everything was there, and unfortunately, it had happened many times before. 

    So I resigned. 

    And three days later, I was sat down by a man I truly respected and loved and asked, “Why are you telling people* about why you are leaving? Doesn’t sound very healthy the way you describe it. If God was really telling you to do this, you wouldn’t be so hurt.” *referencing my closest friends in whom I had confided.

    Pressure. 

    Imagine giving your whole life to a place. Following and serving a vision with everything in you. And then wrestling for months about it. And then walking away into a future with no finances, no plan, no anything because you are merely listening to God. And then being told by someone you love that you shouldn’t talk to those you love most about it. And on top of that, to not tell anyone you lead or care for about it.

    That’s pressure to shut up. 

    So I did. Because it felt like that’s the thing you should do. Not the right thing, just…the thing.

    So if I felt pressure, having not even been asked to sign an NDA, how much more so to the man or woman who is faced with no backpay or shred of severance. The person who gets nothing if they don’t sign that little document. (I’m unsure of whether a church would hold back money and resources unless you didn’t sign. But it’s hard to imagine a universe where they don’t once they start using such practices.)

    Should they do it? Of course not! But we have the luxury of answering that when we aren’t staring down the barrel of a gun. Because it’s not a businessman asking you. It’s “the Voice of God”. 


    That’s the ugly side of these NDA’s in churches. There is too much room for scandal, lies, cheating, and infidelity. 

    Now hear me: I’m not saying all churches that practice this are guilty of it. I’m simply saying…Why? Why are you so afraid of the truth that you have to bring the law into it?

    If you live above reproach, why are you looking over your shoulder? Is not that the opposite of integrity? And if integrity isn’t everything in your church, what are you doing? Who are you leading? To what end?

    And this is why churches need to reject the temptation to run themselves as businesses foremost instead of…churches. A church: a place to worship, learn, and become more like Christ. Not worry about money or if you will be black-listed by “the elites”.


    So back to the story of the text bout. The irony here is that the post I wrote the day prior was spurred on by something happening on the other side of the country at a church he’s not affiliated with or aware of. But it struck a cord in him. 

    It made perfect sense to me that if what I wrote convicted him, he may be in need of repentance. But try as I might, I could not get him to see the power in those words if it resonated so deeply in him to become offended, that perhaps (not perhaps, definitely) it was a sign he should take a deeper look at his church practices. The fruit proves the tree. And his heart was screaming for clarity. Because it knows deep down, God’s not in this.


    So what can you, the layman or parishioner, do? Pray! Pray for Christ’s bride. Pray against the festering model of lying and manipulation to move ahead in churches. Pray for wisdom. Confront your pastor with the truth and if they don’t repent or agree, leave. Seek out the Lord in your Bible and in worship. If you don’t live near a church that you know is actually a church, then start a Bible study in your living room, start inviting everyone you see over, and start growing—that’s how the first-century church began!

    But please, don’t throw your hands up and say, “Oh well, guess there’s no other option.” Because that’s what too many before us have done, which eventually led to a scandal. Christ’s bride deserves better. And frankly, those pastors who are making the mistake of hiding, can still change their habits before they do something that actually destroys them and their community.

    Lord, shake us up. Lord, make us strong and anew.


  • Why Empathy is Killing the Church


    I do not mean empathy by definition. Instead what empathy has become. 

    Many of us saw the cartoon a decade or so ago that explained sympathy vs empathy as a dichotomy between “that’s a terrible thing you are going through; now pick yourself up, it’s not so bad” and “I’m sorry this happened. Let’s sit here and feel it together.” 

    I believe this little video had good intentions, but ultimately was used by the Enemy and some very crafty individuals to plant a seed that the act of encouraging and helping someone change to succeed is a terrible notion. And rather, to let someone stay as they are and feeling all of their pain, anguish, and misery is, not only normal, but superlative. 

    This form of Empathy was formed as an idea of psychology and counseling, a way to walk with others out of their grief, rather than force them from it. It makes sense for a carnal counselor to reason they have no solution to the world’s problems. 

    But ultimately, Empathy had no business in the Church to begin with. Jesus never used empathy. He used compassion. The difference here being, he did not merely feel our pain (which He definitively did) but gave us the solution, freedom and atonement from it. 

    When we use a model like “let’s just feel your pain together” as the cartoon suggests, whilst simultaneously having the salvation from such pain, we are acting like one who refuses to give a life vest to a drowning individual only because that individual may need to feel his drowning to the end. What’s worse, empathy suggests we get in the water with the individual and start drowning ourselves so that we can feel what they are feeling, too. The Drowning Man turns and says “Oh, are you drowning, too?” “No, I have a lifeline tied over to the shore actually. I just wanted you to know I feel what you feel.” 

    What’s even more terrible in this metaphor is that I’ve seen the equivalent of the Drowning Man asking the other with the lifeline if he can grab hold and use his lifeline, too. But because of some misguided view of empathy, political-correctness, or (unfortunately to be true of most western pastors) a fear of being sued for offering his lifeline, the man tied to the shore refuses the Drowning Man any more help than merely treading water alongside him. 

    The Drowning Man may find some other lifeline elsewhere, or perhaps a better representative of salvation to help him to shore, but most drown in misery. 

    A perfect picture of “empathy versus compassion” in the Bible is the story found in Matthew 9:23. Jesus enters a house where a little girl has died. The flute players and wailing mourners are there parading all their empathy. The Christ declares she is only sleeping and they immediately ridicule and scoff at him. He kicks the charlatans out of the house and raises the girl back to life. 

    Again I’ve experienced this moment exactly. Where I’ve personally witnessed such miracles as raising my son from the dead, healing our daughters of Down syndrome diagnosis, cancer disappeared, deaf ears open, tumors popped, broken bones snapped into place, and countless lives restored to peace and joy, I’ve also encountered those who act as though they are compassionate, but are rather mere charlatans who grow offended when you offer life and healing instead of just accepting what life has already dealt you. 

    Empathy has turned into the show of wailing and flute playing, offended by true compassion and help. “How dare you suggest that person needs to change in order to find happiness! They are perfectly fine in their sin!” 

    A church that preaches empathy without action (by definition, compassion) is a farce, a demonic circus. The minister who suggests we feel the pain of others instead of offering salvation is a minister of Satan. And it’s a religious sort like this that mocked Jesus for being who he was and were thus kicked out of the house. 

    Now, some of my more literate colleagues will point out the verse found in Romans 12:15. “Rejoice with those who rejoice. Weep with those who weep.”

    And for that, I applaud you. You found the one verse in the New Testament that would suggest we feel others pain. But this  idea of empathy is not without action. In fact, the 20th verse tells us to feed and clothe such a person. Not to leave them there. And our food is not bread alone. 

    Empathy with action is compassion. And this is fine—If the compassionate individual is not trying to acquire or embody the pain of the other individual. That is what Christ did, not what we feign to do (we are not strong enough).

    And that leads me to another thought. Many western Christians today are acting as through they must become more Christ-like than Christ Himself. They suggest it’s wrong to point out the sins or faithlessness of another. Yet Christ called his followers a perverse and faithless generation when they let unbelief in their hearts (Matthew 17:17). 

    Of course, I’m not suggesting we walk around pointing out sins everywhere. But surely the notion of helping someone in need and correcting what is wrong is not blasphemous behavior. It’s thinking like this that has made such a weak and perverse Christian generation. 

    So you may get to the end of this reading and consider I am heartless. On the contrary, I am full of passion, compassion and a desire to help. So much so that I would rather face the ridicule of the charlatan Christians who weep and wail with their flutes but don’t accomplish anything. 

    And I would encourage you to do the same. Be bold in your faith and words. Change the world. It’s ripe and hungry for change. 

    And for those who consider me to be a tone-deaf microcosm of an echo chamber, I would agree with you that I am tone deaf to faithlessness, and my echo chamber is the Word of God. Not the carnal world or cultural climate. 

    Crave the Word. It is all that we can hold onto. 


  • Between a Playhouse and Office


    I saw a building like a school, church, and historic mansion. Parts of it were like an office. Parts were like a playhouse. Parts were like a horror movie with an elderly monster, a pedophile no less, creeping about. 

    I met with a ragtag group of engineers, performers, and teachers. We were following clues to what we knew would fix this place yet may tear it down. 

    There was a woman there, in our midst—a children’s director—whom many in my ragtag team derided or disliked. In a moment of clarity, I wrapped my arms around the woman and thanked her for always supporting us. Her disposition shifted and she eagerly left us to attend her supervisor—he who was either the pedophile or the showman on stage. 

    In my group, one of the teachers found a clue to our salvation. Before I could read it, the engineer cried, “calling in help!”

    Instantly, several of the actors from the playhouses left their stages, apologetic to leap from their stages in the middle of a show, but committed and excited to help us. They were of all shapes and sizes—some only nine inches tall, others towered over me.

    They gathered round as I read the clues:
    “Look above your medals and awards.”
    “Look beneath the false seat.”

    On the wall between the office and playhouse, near where we hid from the decrepit monster, we found medals hanging on. Above them, a frame with nothing inside. 

    “There!” I shouted, “we should cut through.”

    “And look!” said the teacher. “Where the wood casts an illusion of a seat in the floorboards.”

    “But wait!” said the engineer. “We need more.”

    He called again for help and even more left their stages of acting, running to stand with us and watch. 

    The Children’s Director gathered, too, and though she was frightened to tear the floor up, she agreed that the messages led us here.

    I held high the mallet to strike upon the floorboards. My eyes opened, and I saw no more. 


    The understanding is simple. We stand between a play and office, where terrible sins can occur, hidden behind tradition and an erroneous way of honoring the past. 

    But before we can go tearing up the floors and walls that hold our old trophies and give us a false sense of comfort, we must call in the actors to repent from their stages, and see what the Word says. 

    We must call them from their stages.

    While the Sunday morning routine gets fat and lazy, we, as the Bride, must be that much more active to step out into the world and lead. It needs us to lead as Christ loves us. Our role is not to check a box and fill in a seat for a few hours on a Sunday. Our role is not to simply serve in Kids Church, the Greeter Team, the Coffee Team, or the Worship Team for a few hours a week. But to give our lives, living-sacrifices, every moment of every second to whatever He wants or desires.

    And that is actually less pressure. Not more. Because instead of a mandate by a person to watch one more kid, greet one more person, fill one more cup, or play one more song, instead we are mandated by God to do whatever He asks whenever He asks. 

    Our lives are not meant to be scripted routines and merry-go-rounds of boxes checked. Instead adventures and legends. If we would dare to dream or listen to every Word dripping from His pages and His spirit. Get out of this routine.

    What’s under the floorboards?

    Have we let tradition become a demon, that is robbing the next generation of its intimacy with Christ? That is feeding off the children of God like some disgusting monster? 

    It’s not the Bride that is at fault, She is simply following Her “master” as he leads Her in meaningless directions from a stage. And though some may be frustrated with Her teaching, She must have arms wrapped around Her and reminded that She is valued and loved. Those that act on stage, between a playhouse and office, need to get out of Her way.

    Pray for pastors on stage that may be acting and need to repent. They still have time to jump off the stage, even if it disrupts the show, and gather round to discover what the Word is revealing. There are things to dig up. Things to tear down. And underneath those are the mysteries of Heaven.

    I ask again, what’s under the floorboards of your heart? Is it a miracle? Is it a dead body? Before we can find out, I believe it would be wise for us to give the opportunity for as many of God’s children to gather and see. Call them in. 


  • The New Thing Years


    Well, I knew I would get here at some point, and I’m excited to finally have it published. After 8 months of recording and producing, The New Thing Years album is ready to release. Carlia and I were the worship leaders for The New Thing Youth Church for several years and all along that time we wrote many songs for the students to worship with. This is a compilation of some of those, with a few new ideas added around them.

    I’m excited to have Carlia Alderman, Allyson Goolsby, Sarah Hollis, and Rachel Moore all add their vocals to it–each being TNT worship leaders. Additionally, Sarah adds her piano skills to nearly every song this go around.

    It has been a wonderful trip down memory lane for my wife and me, reliving past songs and reinventing some of their musical anecdotes. Below is some of the history behind each song.


    A New Thing

    I wrote “A New Thing” early in my tenure as TNT’s worship leader. The youth church had incredible songs written from its platform over the years, but never a song that was the backbone of its mission. So I started penning one. It actually all came together during the daily Morning Breath Radio Show. Back then, I produced the radio show and sat alongside Pastor Dan for hours each Thursday morning; in many ways, that was my seminary. I studied the Bible alongside him and another guest and watched the annals of wisdom unearthed. During a recording and reading of Hebrews 12, the lyrics came together, and I wrote the whole song without a guitar or piano at my fingers. I just had the tune in my heart and wrote the chords down on a strip of paper. That night, we put it together as a band and it became a staple of our worship repertoire. The bridge lyrics meant so much to me, and I believe were the backbone of our mission as a generation for Christ, that I made them the weekly intro for my messages after I became the youth pastor. 

    The song itself is militant, purposeful, layered, and chaotic. That describes Gen Z well.


    The Invasion

    This is still one of my favorite songs I’ve ever written, and easily the most for a TNT song. It had a presence to it every time we played it at TNT, camp, or an event. I still remember watching my little girls, then toddlers, dance to it at a spring festival while Animal Face played. Untamed was the first song written that coincided with a camp theme; but this was my first go at it, and I wanted something alarming and anthemic, as if our earth was being invaded and we had nothing to do but enjoy the ride. I’ve always aimed to set a tone and imagery in my lyrics; “fire”, “lights”, “winds”, “waves”, these were all naturalistic images and my hope was to make the listening student recall God’s power when he or she saw such elements. 


    Dance with You

    Daft Punk’s album “R.A.M.” was hot off the presses and I was in love with it. But I couldn’t let myself be swept too far away with a song such as “Get Lucky”. So I started writing my own lyrics to the basic rhythm and took it to Chris Johnson. I remember sitting in his office and coming up with ideas. The chorus was mine, his was the verses, and together we grabbed hold of this ridiculous, arrhythmic bridge—it was impossible for a student to jump properly too, but it made us happy. The adults didn’t seem to grab hold of it very much, but TNT loved it for many years. 

    Sometimes, we just really need to enjoy the groove and be happy.


    I am Brave

    In 2016, I wanted to break away from the annual camp theme song idea, instead bringing a new song that was as bombastic and memorable as any of the rest, but didn’t need the reference to a particular year. I wanted a song that tricked you, starting off slow, moody, and deliberate, before exploding into a wall of relentless sound, and eventually dropped into the most haunting melody and progression we had come up with yet. The song itself is a sequel to The Invasion. What happens after His light comes? Our determination to bring the Gospel to the world, standing in courage and boldness. It is an audible irony, as the words are sung over a haunting melody/progression, a metaphor of our boldness amidst fear. It was fun to introduce the Major 3 chord to Animal Face and watch their wheels turn as we structured it. I think this one will always be loved more by the musician and band than the common listener, but it has powerful lyrics and a great chorus, nonetheless; without fail, it always ended back in worship by the end. What a great song and progression to get lost inside of.


    Untamed

    As we approached Untamed Youth Camp in 2013, I couldn’t shake the idea of a namesake anthem for worship. When I finally put pen to page, the lyrics and melody flowed out simultaneously. I forced myself to stay out of the way, not over complicating the song structure and lyrics. It didn’t have to BE anything but worship. It was simple and repetitive, and (I believe) just what the Holy Spirit wanted. Keith helped me apply chords that remained “simple”, yet compelling. We brought the song to the band, and each musician added their own flair and creativity. What formed was a song I am immensely proud of. Not because of what we did, but because of how His power and wild love are on display— it’s nearly impossible to sing without getting emotional! Nearly 12 years after its debut, it means the world to me to finally have a recording of my favorite song to ever write. I pray that it encourages and challenges your Faith in a God who is bigger, stronger, wilder, and more loving than you could ever imagine. — Carlia


    Fire in my Bones

    Somewhere in the fall of 2014, I had this melody come to mind and it wouldn’t go away. It rattled my soul, and I was sang it constantly. I brought it to TNT, but it was probably too early and too haunting for the group. It felt good, but it didn’t have the legs to keep going, primarily because it wasn’t bombastic enough. I tucked it away and later retrofitted it into a Frankenstein of a song called “Unstoppable” during the next summer camp. But to me, that chorus was never right for that song. About six months ago (2024), I wrote a progression I fell in love with and found the old melody worked perfectly. This is what the song was always meant to be. It’s unlike TNT, but it’s powerful and it’s my heartbeat forever. Fire is in my bones, and it always will be.

    The upright on the recording is over 120 years old out of New York. She still has fire in her bones, even if her strings crackle and pop.


    Campfire Editions:

    Every year, we would go out on our TNT camping trips. They were less about camping or roughing it and more about silly adventurous parties. But each night, we would fall in line to singing worship. That’s what these songs were meant to inspire again. Here on our farm, I like to go up on our hillside and camp alone. I start a fire, listen to the owls and crickets, and sing a few songs to Jesus and the livestock. And without fail, I remember those moments camping with TNT. So I strung together a live sampling of each of the songs we would do at TNT, just like I used to do for the students on those camping trips. Hopefully, it can remind some of those students today that nothing really matters but our worship to our Father, and being in His presence. The woods are a special place to hear from Him. Maybe the best place. 


    Releasing February 27th, 2025. Preorder available here.


  • Madloch Falls


    BOOK ONE: SCHERDAL

    Chapter 3: Madloch Falls

    My Paw always described drowning as the worst, heart-wrenching and agonizing experience one can endure. But something in his manner always had me believing he meant something other than his experience under Madloch Falls. Something greater still that I may never know the fullness of, and pray I won’t. 

    -Fyest Fox, (from the “Articles of a Watrepaue’s Brood”)

    ***

    Slow and methodical; faithful and monotonous. The milky-brown syrup squeezed into the cedar floorboards like the rising tide of the Glaucus Sea; it smeared over each log, drenched the frayed, red bark, and stung Rasicare’s hairy red toes. As sudden as it had come, it slipped back through the raft’s beams, down, down, down, between crack and unknown crevice. His raft rocked and dipped on the rarely turbulent waves. And again, the milky-brown water bubbled through his aged raft. Slow and methodical; faithful and monotonous. Water, beautiful, in constant, endless, necessary motion; an invariable; perfection; faithful; hope defined. He remembered the Rusalki proverb: “If you want to know the Will of the Wisp, get in Its waters.”

    Through the thick, dull firmament, sunlight softened into a wet gray, yellowed blur. Rain held her breath. She would not shower the Scherl yet, as if she were waiting for something—a certain moment to release her storm. Under her budding sky, Rasicare dragged his long paddle across the floor of the river and aimed eastward. 

    The night before, alone in his den, he had wrestled with thoughts of Peter pouring into him. He was confident the harbourduke hadn’t sent a captain to investigate his raft, and it left him turning in bed. It was a nervousness brought first by the ecstatic, nearly noxious, joy of the Wisp, and then suddenly laden with troubled and tossing imaginations about the fishermouse, like one feels after a drunken stupor and having realized they may have spoken too much or laughed too long at an indecent moment the hour before.

    Now, on the Scherl, he ambled upstream, whistling as he passed the outstretched arms of Maidens Forest, thumping his paw in rhythm against the birch-leather satchel on his waist, trying his best to keep his spirit light, though his soul cringed from the premonition that some menace lie ahead. 

    As he rounded the bend nearest the flotsam, he subconsciously lowered his head between his shoulders and became silent. The water had pushed the wreck into the north bank under the protruding roots of an elm; he saw now that the back end had been torn in half, as if smashed by a large boulder or ripped apart like a rice cake by some monstrous greedy paw. 

    He shook his head, frustrated that he hadn’t investigated it substantially the day before. “Leave a job to the H.D.’s like asking a beaver to stop chewing,” he muttered to himself.

    His raft bumped into the bank and he leaped to shore. He dropped to his knees and clawed at the mud and grass. No sign of footprints; only strange long smooth rubbings like those of a mudskipper or walking catfish scaled to massive proportions. The giant salamanders from the Denemoor came to mind, and he shuddered at the thought of one coming this far north. He hadn’t certainty, for the Scherl’s faithful tide erased any confidence, but the pink stain on the tip of those arrowhead stalks may have been the reduced residue of blood. 

    The fox stood, closed his narrow eyes, and sniffed the air for anything unusual. The breeze shifted north-eastward, and he felt the rain would come soon. He watched a flock of chickadees bank over the forest and Scherl, cutting southward over the Oppendale; their chatter was short, pervasive and alert. They had seen something alarming. 

    Taking to the water again, he was careful not to leave sign behind and remain noiseless as he dawdled further upstream. His long paddle dug into the shallow mud and he attempted stealth under the shadow of the brush and cloudy sky. As he rounded the southwest-winding bend, he discerned the guttural moan and muffled yelp of someone ahead. 

    Spurred by compassion, he abandoned his clandestinity, paddled to midstream, and recklessly drove upriver. As the southeast bend came into sight, he stabbed his paddle hard into the water and snagged a root on the bottom, spinning his raft eastward on itself and sending himself flinging north up the next river segment. 

    On the far side of the bend, beneath the fuzzy chaos of a weeping willow and upheaval of the filthy, muddy bank, he saw two unexpected frightful sights. The first, a whitetail, most likely a doe on account of her slender haunch, severed in half at the waist and still flopping in the water wildly from dead nerves firing and flaring. The second was the water-demon itself; a great and monstrous warty skull, writhing in the water and gulping the severed carcass between its long rows of sharp, twisted pearl teeth; its red-slit eyes rolled backward into an opaque purple tint as the water splashed against them and slid the animal carcass down its throat. It was the head of the water-demon; the legend of death; the purveyor of drowned souls; Leviathan.

    A pregnant moment hung in space and time as a worn leaf shakes and shivers before it flutters to the earth. Rasicare stared in awe at the frozen monster’s omnipotence. It noticed his watchful gaze and wiped its teeth clean with a quick flick of the tongue. The massive head flung sideways into the water, submerging completely beneath the brown muck and filth. An explosion of water erupted, spraying the fisherfox and flopping the deer carcass into the underbrush. 

    Rasicare reached into his satchel and pulled a small hollowed-out cattail reed, a boom-stick. He grabbed its dangling string and yanked hard, sending a yellow projectile into the sky that exploded into a shower of red mist. 

    Rasicare leaned on the stern and pitched the bow out of the water; his paddle pummeled the water, and his tail dipped in it, acting as a stiff rudder. He raced upstream, hot on the trail of the V-shaped wave serpentining ahead of him like a spry school of fish. He refused to lose sight of the creature, and his heart thumped in anticipation. 

    Stroke after appalling stroke, he struggled to keep pace as the wave grew further and further from him. He nearly lost hope when the ripple had turned a bend and disappeared completely, but when he rounded the next segment, he caught sight of the trailing water and thrust himself even harder for its heading. In his heart, he knew it was no use; the thing would outrun him eventually, and his exhaustion would spring upon him powerfully. But he needn’t catch the creature, only keep it in sight for a bit longer. 

    The V-shaped wave dissolved again around the next winding turn. Thunder roared, but it was not from the Great Forest above. Hearing the sound of pounding water, he recognized the shortening cypress and thick ambling arrowheads on the southern bank. He laughed in delight as he realized exactly where he was. 

    From there, the river doubled its width before forking. To the southeast, it ran downstream on a straightforward ripple between rollicking hills on the left and the Oppendale’s open prairie on its right. To the north, it traveled upstream to Maiden Loch, filled by the uproarious beauty and maddening velocity of Madloch Falls; the very head and source of the Scherl. 

    The water roared down a drop of two-hundred fifty paws into the loch; a natural basin with depths of eighty mittans, surrounded by rocky enclaves and cliffs two-hundred mittans apart. The fall was believed to be from where the Maiden Jessamere threw herself to save her rabbit-kin from the Hrothhamber Foxes many seasons ago. 

    Fifty mittans ahead, Rasicare watched the V vanish at the midmost point of the loch, and he knew the monster had bedded into its depths. Turning his oar on end, he drove himself to a halt. Like a hummingbird, his chest panted wildly; like a red spoonbill, he hovered over the water, scanning for any disturbance. 

    Presently, he sat on his haunches and cleared his mind of any care whatsoever. He chewed on his paw where a splinter had dug in during his mad flight, watched the zipping warblers, listened to the roaring fall, and drew long, deep breaths with no other concern in the Wood. 

    It were moments like this that his soul felt most aligned and, to him, made the most sense; as if his very nature longed to be on the edge of chaos or deep in the confines of mayhem. Never did he desire such moments in a twisted or maniacal sense, for he, quite naturally sorrowed the tragedy of what in all probability happened to Peter and, of course, what he saw come of the whitetail doe; nonetheless, the unabashed, savage escapade brought with it an undefinable joy and exhilaration that he relished deeply. His spastic tendencies and forgetfulness for what he considered trivial things suddenly dissipated; this becoming him when he understood once more that the Wood did not need him, nor did it matter what happened yesterday or tomorrow, but only that he accomplished this bizarre and abominable task set before him. And here it was before him!—as if spawned by some divine will and fortunate happenstance; it was the promise of that greatness his soul had longed for every morning and night for too many seasons to count. 

    He would not do it alone, though; and even with the help, it would be nigh impossible. Yet already he saw, in his imagination, himself victorious and crowned in its glory. He closed his eyes and drew another long breath through his chest, feeling wind run through his hair, tying not to rock his raft too much, and waited, waited, waited for the storm to fall and his support to arrive.

    At length, he heard a dim, fluttering, foreign whistle, barely discernible, yet squealing high enough in pitch to pique his ear from the fall and back toward the Scherl; he turned obediently. There, floating at the mouth of the loch, the raft of Mutton and Domino, along with Jands in his yellow canoe. 

    They were silent and wisely discerned from Rasicare’s posture that they should themselves paddle smoothly and noiselessly into the loch. Until the three mammals were shored against the fox’s raft, they did not say a word. 

    “What’s a fisherfox to do in Madloch?” The muskrat asked derisively, as if he had saved his little jab for the entirety of his soft paddle forward.

    “Saw the boom-stick,” said Jands, his voice barely audible over the fall. “And what’s left of the whitetail.”

    “I’m sure he’s still here,” whispered Rasicare. 

    Jands nodded his head and scanned the loch from end to end, noting that the blackened sky had skirted away the songbirds and insects into hiding. 

    “It’s Leviathan, mates,” said Rasicare, lowering his voice and receiving the reaction he had hoped for. He smirked at the gaping and uncomfortable fishermates before him.

    “You putting us off?” Mutton gawked.

    “That’s funny. It sounded like you said, ‘Leviathan’.”

    Rasicare’s mouth dropped open, and he panted in ecstasy. “Jands’ll corral the outlet,” said he, pointing at the river fork. “That way, if it makes a run for it, we can stop it.”

    “I don’t think it will,” replied Jands. “Any apex is going to protect its loch. That thing is coming to us. But where it hits is the question.” 

    “I am inclined to agree. But better safe than sorry. Mutton, you jab at the west bank while Domino swims on the east side by the rock wall. I’ll paddle up between the fall and Jessamere’s Rock. That’s where I figure it’s bedding.”

    “You think yore the Watrepaue a’ready, fisherfox?” Mutton asked with a scoff. 

    “No offense to your silly plan, Rascal,” interrupted Domino, with a tone as low as bedrock. “But I ain’t gettin’ my matin’ paws in the water with a breedin’Leviathan.”

    Rasicare hesitated, suddenly unsure of himself. 

    “Take my oar, you chipmunk,” snapped Jands, handing Domino his paddle. “You’d think he’d never swam before. Isn’t that right, Rasicare Watrepaue?” 

    The fox discretely smirked at the otter’s sly flattery and his red hair grew a shade darker. Meanwhile, the beaver stumbled his round, clawed paws into the bow of the canoe. When Jands was sure he was secured and not going to capsize his vessel, he dropped from its side and slipped into the water noiselessly. A few seconds later, his head popped up, and he muttered angrily, “Well, what are you all waiting for? You think I’m swimming for my own delight?” 

    The others separated accordingly; Domino taking the duty of covering the outlet of the loch with Jands’ canoe, while Mutton followed Rasicare’s initial plan to search the west end. Rasicare turned about-face and dabbled the vessel up the loch. 

    Soon, the fall’s misty breeze was blowing across his face and forming droplets on the end of his snout. At his right, the cliff face met the loch’s eastern end. Jands’ bobbing black head and tail surveyed the underwater wall. Rasicare noted that, behind him, Domino had reached the mouth of the loch. He sighed relief knowing the outlet was covered. 

    As Mutton moved into position under the oak and elm branches on the western shore, Rasicare approached Jessamere’s Rock. The rock was a peculiar monument risen from the depths wharleighs ago. It acted as a barrier between the fall’s brutal current and the rest of the loch, creating a calm, yet steady current through the center. On the far side of the rock, water thrashed and wrestled into white-capped breakers, frothing like cream. This was where the fisherfox assumed the beast had harbored itself to bed—a perfect hide shrouded in dangerous waves that no fishermate would think to traverse. Rasicare’s heart thumped into his throat as his raft knocked against the algae-covered island.

    The fall’s waves were relentless, and he questioned his ability to steady the raft past Jessamere’s Rock. He pondered climbing onto it. Perhaps he could see more from a higher perspective and shout to his fishermates for help when he discovered the monster. But that idea produced the possibility of someone else taking down the monster and becoming the Watrepaue. 

    Would Leviathan take bait like any other fish? How could one coax a lion from its den without a proper meal to offer it—and at last, he realized what must be done. A sacrifice, as it were, given to the water-demon with a result that would most assuredly be death to any other animal. But to him—he could already see himself victorious, and it was more than imagination; it was real. Following the vision in his heart, it could only be victory. The Will of the Wisp had called him to this moment. 

    It was apparent that Jessamere’s Rock was useless to him, except to steady his raft for a time. He wedged his oar between a crack in the stone and a corner of the raft, and tightened the pouch around his waist. With a prayer and sigh, he prepared to leap into the waters. Yet, just as he was letting his heart take him into the unknown, about to toss himself into the white riveting water, the Great Forest above bellowed, and the heavy clouds retched their sweet storm onto the Wood below. 

    Like spears and tiny projectiles, the rain streaked across his fur and flicked the surface of the water. Little fountains sprang up everywhere, leaving translucent bulbs in their wake, like glaring haunted eyes emerging from the depths and staring up at him, daring him to venture into the loch’s jaws. The fox hesitated. Already his second time while leading this campaign, and he felt the uncertainty beneath his fur rise. 

    “What are we waiting for?” Mutton shouted from the northwestern shore, ambling down the bank on Rasicare’s left. “Am I coming home soaked from a blimey storm or are you gonna hunt something?”

    Rasicare bowed his head, embarrassed, and tried hard to steady his thoughts. He searched his imagination for the picture of his victory again. It had abandoned him with the rain’s arrival.

    “Fisher-wispin’-fox,” Mutton murmured to himself on the west end of the loch. He ambled up the bank, jabbing his oar into the water and stirring up the bottom soot. “Rubb’ the matin’ dog saw a water-demon.” As the muskrat stroked his paddle once more beneath the surface, the oar was snagged, tot against his paws, and then ripped from his claws. He let out a little yelp and curse before his raft was capsized and flung through the rainy sky.

    “YAAAARGGGGGHHH!” Mutton shouted, flinging paws over head into Maidens Loch.

    A pair of great, yellowed jaws had torn through the port-side of his raft and snapped a third of it into pieces. Several of the logs were in the monster’s mouth, snapping, crushing, biting, ripping, thrashing. Mutton floundered underneath the water in a chaotic myriad of bubbles and foam; behind them, the violent, savage silhouette of the water-demon, writhing and rolling. 

    He flipped his paddle in his paws and removed a walnut cap from its top-end, revealing the sharped point of a spear. Flapping his haunches through the water, he aimed the spear forward, driving it deep into the belly of the creature. He grinned and laughed at the bloody monster, only to immediately feel the flick of the retaliating beast’s tail against his chest and shot out of the water. 

    Phwack! Boom! Thud! 

    He landed haphazardly on the side of his raft, dangling like a rag-doll over its edge, yet somehow still gripping the bloody spear in his paw. 

    Racing from the north end of the loch, Rasicare arrived and jumped to the poor muskrat’s raft. Coughing in a fit, Mutton had trouble rising to his paws. 

    “I’m alright, I’m alright,” he cried, grabbing his side and feeling blood trickle between his paws. 

    The fox kept his eyes up, scanning the surface for movement. The water was an indiscernible mess, saturated with blood and bits of Mutton’s raft, like a macabre oil painting on flotsam. 

    Hopping back to his own raft, he kicked Mutton’s damaged one away toward midstream. 

    “Mutton, get paddling,” he ordered. “It’s heading toward Domino.” 

    The muskrat lifted his eyes to see the steadfast chevron moving away, flecked by harsh rainfall, toward the loch’s mouth. Exasperated, he clenched his paddle and roared like a lion. 

    The two rafts raced side-by-side toward the Scherl, synchronized at last. All prejudice and dispute between the two fishermates had sloughed away. The only rivalry between them now was the instinctual competition to slay the beast first and take back to Scherdal the title of Watrepaue, Hero of the Scherl.

    At the loch outlet, Domino had seen everything that happened, but wisely kept himself steady at his post, refusing to paddle out and help his mate. Now the thing was headed straight for him. He stood erect in Jands’ canoe, paws held high with a cast-net, counting the agonizing milliseconds, forcing upon himself patience, waiting, waiting, and more waiting. The chevron waves rushed toward him, closer, closer, closer to his canoe. One second more, one more second, one more second. 

    He couldn’t wait any longer; fear of missing, fear of being taken under, and fear of waiting too long overtook him. He tossed the net. It flashed across the falling raindrops. Leviathan barreled to its left. Domino shouted in excitement, thinking he had caught the beast. But the net had landed empty. He screamed like a madbeaver when he realized it. The monster had course-corrected back to the middle of the loch. 

    Rasicare, a hair-breadth sooner than Mutton, saw the chevron waves shift; he dragged his paddle on his port-side and flung the raft midstream. Mutton followed, cutting a wide angle nearer the southern end of the loch. He shouted at Domino to follow and the beaver dropped into the canoe and paddled after them. 

    The three vessels spread wide across the loch behind the monster. They were pushing it to the east end, corralling it toward the otter. Far ahead, dancing like a dolphin, Jands leaped and skipped in the frothy water. He was a playful meal flopping for attention—the smart otter had realized, like Rasicare, that they needed bait for the monster. The chevron waves raced toward the bobbing black pelt, and behind it, the three vessels closed in. 

    As the monster sped closer, Jands floated near the rocky cliff, acting as though he hadn’t seen the monster. When it pummeled in, he leaped and skipped up the rock wall, a mere second before the beast snapped its jaws onto him. He ran along the cliff like an acrobat and flipped himself head over paws into the water on Leviathan’s far end. Without adequate time or space to turn, the rampaging monster rammed its powerful head into the wall, cracking the rock and unleashing a volley of collected rain from the clifftop.

    Immediately, the rafts and canoe arrived. Jands leaped from the water and landed alongside Mutton. Domino, with no concern for stopping, drove Jands’ canoe into the wall and cast the net beneath him. It sank over the dazed monster’s jaws, and like a gar caught in a frayed rope, the tangles of reed and rope snagged around Leviathan’s teeth.

    All were pulling, straining, and fighting to hold the monster still, shouting at one another with directions. 

    “Pull there!”

    “Loosen!”

    “On its flank!”

    “Come around the other side of the jaws!”

    “Watch your paws!”

    Hungry to be the Watrepaue, Mutton released his hold of the net and grabbed his spear. He spun the oar between his paws and aimed the sharp point at Leviathan’s head. He lunged forward while the red-slit eyes, cloaked underneath their purple nictitating membrane, glared up at him; a roar erupted. 

    The oar recoiled off the hard skull, and the spearhead snapped off. Its painful vibration brought the muskrat to his knees. 

    “Ahh! Nippin’, matin’, ugly ol’ beast!”

    The water-demon thrashed.

    “Mutton, get back on the net!”

    But it was too late. The ropes frayed and snapped against the sharp teeth. Leviathan submerged instantly, and the fishermates fell back onto their vessels. 

    Quickly, they gathered themselves up and scanned the loch for any disturbance. 

    Mutton threw a spare oar at Jands. “Make yourself useful!”

    Jands caught it and glared at the muskrat. “I won’t forget you lettin’ this thing get away if it does!”

    “Spread out and look for sign!” hollered Rasicare. “Domino, get back to the outlet!”

    The group separated their boats. Rasicare aimed north for Jessamere’s Rock, while Domino raced back to the southern outlet, and Mutton and Jands sailed to the loch’s midpoint. 

    “There!” Domino shouted, pointing toward a small pattern of Vs running south-westward. “It’s heading to the Scherl!” 

    He shot his canoe through the water for the loch mouth. 

    Mutton paddled after him, but Jands questioned the shape and size. “Looks too small and oblong. That’s a school of fish.”

    “School of fish or not, they’re scared by Leviathan running south. Get your paddle in the water and start pushing! That thing’s gonna be in the Scherl and gone in seconds!”

    Jands glanced back to Rasicare, who was shored against Jessamere’s Rock, and too close to the fall to hear them hollering for his help. 

    Braced against the rock, the fox eagerly searched the northwest end of the loch. Scanning round about, he caught sight of Domino racing southward and waving his paws for help. 

    “Yiaark!” he growled in frustration and dropped his foot from the rock. Kicking away, he undocked his raft and pushed against the heavy current. But while watching Domino and company race south, he failed to see Leviathan climbing up the other side of Jessamere’s Rock. 

    Pulling its fat, abhorrent body up over the stone with long, grotesque limbs, the monster bellowed and roared. Before Rasicare had time to react, the beast flung itself onto his raft, blowing it to shrapnel and tackling the fox into the water.

    “Fisherfox!” Mutton screamed.

    “We are coming, Rasicare!” Jands shouted. 

    The muskrat and otter watched in horror. Racing with adrenaline, they stormed to Jessamere’s Rock. Amazingly, Rasicare was somehow back on the surface, flailing in a pitiful dog-paddle through terror and his raft’s splintered remains. 

    The otter and muskrat paddled as hard as they could, shaking their heads and praying to make it in time. 

    As they approached the paddling, terrified fox, they slowed down. Jands extended his paddle for Rasicare. 

    “This is why we don’t let foxes on the river, you matin’ redtail!” Mutton hollered.

    A rush of wind brought the misty, white spray off the fall into Jands’ black and brown eyes. Rasicare reached for the paddle, desperately treading water toward the raft. 

    “Come on! Come on!” 

    Water was rushing down Rasicare’s throat. His mind barely held a thought. All there was left was fear. His black paw reached for the oar. And then he was gone! Snatched from all the Wood and pulled into the depths of the black and blue cavern under a bevy of white-capped waves.

    Jands stood up, taken aback. 

    “RASICARE!” he screamed. 

    His pawstep stuttered, and he stumbled back into Mutton. Neither said a word as they scoured the relentless waves and waited in a nervous pant. Both were tempted to dive in after him, yet held back by the fears of missing the fox’s sudden frenzied chance for help and the dangerous monstrosity waiting under the surface. 

    Rain poured down, and each moment felt like a lifetime. Except for the daunting rain and roaring fall, the loch was calm, without sign. 

    Domino arrived beside them. Driven by confusion and nervousness, he begged to know what had happened. 

    “He’s gone,” Mutton muttered. “No fox can hold his breath that long.”

    ***

    Beneath the water, a deluge of breathlessness and white, bubbling chaos caved in around the fox. The light grew dim, like frail blue rays, parading as dancers in the distant black cavernous hole. 

    All Rasicare knew had become mayhem and pounding, pounding agony. His chest turned inside out, and his stomach convulsed in madness. On top of him, the red-slit eyes stared from beneath their opaque, nictitating membrane. A log, ripped from the fox’s raft, had lodged itself between Leviathan’s teeth; the only thing keeping the monster’s jaws from tearing into his flesh. 

    Under the fall, the water-demon sped, with Rasicare between its mandibles. The monster did not know why it could not crush the fox, but decided to take its meal to the depths of the loch and wedge the drowned body beneath a boulder to wait for decomposition to take hold. 

    Rasicare kicked frantically, but the jaws had fastened tight around his shoulder and thigh. He begged and pleaded within his soul, panicked and persistent in his bounding hope, like a rabbit runs from the gray wolf on the prairie. 

    Floating loosely around his waist was his pouch. It brushed the ends of his claws. His eyes rolled backward. He undid the tie. His paws clutched the filet knife. His wrist spun and the blade cut tooth and gum. A gurgle erupted from Leviathan’s throat and his arm lent free. 

    With eyes sealed shut—though it needn’t matter, for the light had all but disappeared in the abyss—he stabbed pitilessly, maddened by a will to live. Ricochetting off bone and scale, flailing like an upended dog. 

    The knife found its way to the creature’s eye. It dug into the crevice of the nictitating membrane like one digs to open a shut clam; ripping, pulling, driving, until finally, the second eyelid popped loose, and the creature writhed wildly. 

    Round and round, the monster beat at him, ramming its head and jaws into the rocks and boulders lining its hellish cave. But Rasicare would not stop. The knife fit into the eye like it had met mulberry jelly. He dug it deep and twisted frantically. 

    A thought passed through his mind, that he had suddenly crossed from the Wood into the Great Forest. The jaws had released him, and he felt himself floating free. 

    With his last shred of strength, he squirmed from out of the beast’s teeth and kicked toward what he hoped was the surface. 

    Rays of light formed around him, and he then realized his eyes were actually open. Light danced on the surface above, tempting and tormenting him. He was overcome by hopelessness, forever out of reach of the distant air above, one stroke too many away. 

    He kicked and reached for it, praying and begging to have one more beat of air in his crumbling lungs, even if it were his last—but to hold it in his chest and smile in death would be a fit end to a fox not born for the water. Why ever did he come to the river and why ever did he attempt to swim? What sickness drew him to its luster and beauty which hid death and pain beneath its surface? One more stroke. He had one more stroke in him. One more stroke. 

    ***

    “He’s gone,” Mutton muttered to Domino as the beaver arrived. “No fox can hold his breath that long.”

    “Wait a moment longer,” Jands replied, staring into the rambling wake under the crushing fall.

    A spurt of water fountained up behind them, and with it, a meek stir. The three aquatic mammals jostled in disbelief at seeing Rasicare, not twenty strokes away, barely floating on his back and starving for air. 

    The otter was in the water immediately, throwing his arms around the fox. “I’ve got you, mate,” he murmured, holding Rasicare’s head out of the water. “Breathe, mate, breathe.” 

    “Get outten the water, you slickhead!” Mutton shouted. “The beast is coming back!” 

    The muskrat was right. Beneath the otter and fox, a shadow of immense proportion was racing to the surface. 

    But the otter wouldn’t be deterred. He paddled ferociously, concentrated on keeping the fox’s head aloft and his course toward the raft. 

    A flume of water rushed up over his head, and a pair of ugly yellowed jaws lifted into the sky. His heart aflutter and his soul acceded, he prepared himself for the inevitable. 

    But the jaws lie limp, and a milky tongue protruded out of them. The creature was dead. The fox slew Leviathan. 



  • Faerewode


    BOOK ONE: SCHERDAL

    Chapter 2: Faerewode

    My soul feels alive again. I do not understand it, 
    but I do not need to understand the Will of the Wisp. 
    Only to follow and remain. 
    – Rasicare Watrepaue (excerpt from an unconfirmed journal, recovered in the aftermath of the Hroth War and donated by Louie Lynx to the Order of the Ausbury)

    ***

    It seemed as though the entire town had emptied from the West Gate into the forest. Four-hundred animals huddled in bated breath and strained consternation; bulls, bucks, boars, and billies crammed and carrouseled with does, sows, hens and mares of all kinds, sizes, shapes, and colors under the dark, gloomy glaze of a veiled new moon, on the western outskirts of Scherdal, beneath the tendrils of the high and lofty Faerewode Forest, arriving in a desperate riddled hope to see and be seen; to worship and witness. 

    Rasicare was there among them, spurred on by curiosity more than anything, and assumed half of the animals present were like-minded. He couldn’t shake the questions that arose in him since hearing the chipmunk’s story that afternoon. And the idea of sitting at home with only his thoughts to torment him wasn’t to be tolerated. So, swallowing whatever bit of pride he had, he ventured into Faerewode. Even if it were only a hoax, a gag, or trick—he had to know for certain; ever since that night in his father’s den, the burning light had vexed him. He never would have imagined that the chipmunk’s story would have enticed four-hundred Scherdalians to the haunted Faerewode. He glimpsed Mutton and Domino on the far side of a family of mice, smothered between coats and manes. “Duck scat,” Rasicare thought to himself and smirked. 

    “Hello, my friend.” 

    The fox whipped his neck round. The wise, towering profile of an old badger stood beside him; his kind eyes and delicate smile warmed the fox’s heart. 

    “Cornelius!” the fox greeted his mentor, and the two embraced, crammed awkwardly among the thronging animals. “So it’s true—you are here, too. Is the entire Order with you?”

    Cornelius cleared his throat and tilted his head across the forest. About fifty-paws away, a pair of groundhogs were placing a kind of podium and stage on the uneven ground behind a budding bonfire. They worked under the pointed, deliberate stare of a coyote, and were having the hardest time finding a flat enough space that didn’t leave half the stage wobbling and bending under any sort of weight. One of them appeared to have shoved a rock or branch under a foot to stabilize it, and they felt well enough to leave it as is. The coyote turned away, without any bit of gratitude to the groundhogs, grinning and welcoming a very handsome, cunning wolf to the stage. The two conversed quietly back and forth for a lengthy time and Rasicare recognized the wolf as Douglas, the Archbishop of the Order of the Ausbury. He looked as though he were about to give a speech to the animals gathered. Why was Douglas here as if to lead a ceremony? It was odd enough to see his stoic friend Cornelius wrapped up in the hubbub, but even more peculiar that a stage and podium would be purportedly prepared around something altogether spontaneous and unrehearsed. It really must be greater than a mere rumor traveling through the marketplace. Could the Wisp really be here tonight?

    “In all the Sacred Scrolls, the Wisp has never appeared in Faerewode.” Rasicare thought aloud, and he caught Cornelius’ stubborn, uncomfortable glance just in time. 

    “What is it, Rasicare?” Cornelius asked, after relaxing his face back into the soft composure of a mentor.

    Rasicare presumed Cornelius’ waywardness had everything to do with the bustling crowd. He knew likewise that many of these animals would have less-than-holy motivations for gathering. And Cornelius never enjoyed a thronging mob, much less the obsessions of the majority. It was uncomfortable and, as he described it, “a dangerous practice capable of forming anything out of nothing.”

    “My Paw taught me a lot about the history of the Ausbury and the Will of the Wisp,” Rasicare explained, with his eyes fixated on the field mice struggling to keep the fire awake in front of Douglas’ stage. “Wherever the Wisp went, it led to the Ausbury. And wherever the Ausbury was, prosperity flourished.”

    “What are you hunting for?” Cornelius murmured.

    “Why would the Wisp come here?”

    Cornelius recited a proverb robotically, “Who are we to determine where the Will o’ the Wisp goeth or appeareth?”

    “True.” Rasicare’s head nodded, then winced and tilted in slight dismay. “But isn’t Faerewode said to hide the darkness? The Will of the Wisp is to bring light and lead to Its Ausbury. Nothing in all the Sacred Scrolls shows a connection between the Ausbury and Faerewode. I don’t see why something so holy would appear here—”

    Cornelius turned toward him sternly. “Are you to teach a member of the Order of the Ausbury?”

    “No!” Rasicare looked at him, shocked. “But to learn. Why are you here? And why is this happening? Is it possible all the scrolls are wrong?” 

    “Is this because of the Wisp, or because of your Paw?” 

    “Neither,” Rasicare replied, irritated and ashamedly obstinate at his teacher. “And you should know better than to speak lightly of that.” 

    “I never said it was ‘light’.”

    Rasicare sighed, irritated. Calming down, he dropped his shoulders and explained, “Paw believed the Ausbury was hidden in the Denemoor.”

    “That’s a dangerous place.” 

    “He gave his life searching so Scherdal could be whole again.”

    “I never said it was ‘light’,” the badger repeated in quiet resolve, placing his paw on Rasicare’s shoulder.

    “I have no idea what sent him there,” Rasicare continued, as if in a trance. “But he was so sure of it—how could I stop him?” 

    Cornelius took his paw from Rasicare’s shoulder. “Your Paw died believing in something, and believing it could help others. That is a noble death. May we learn to follow his example, yet learn from his mistake as well.” 

    Rasicare squinted his eyes and pursed his lips. His gaze trailed off, and he tried to compose himself, watching the ash rise above the treetops. 

    “And where is Kori on an evening like this?” The badger asked, good-naturedly.

    “Watching her brother’s skulk.” The fox smiled, thinking of cheerful things again. “Her brother and doe-in-law have gone searching for their missing dibbun again. I intend to marry her, Cornelius.”

    The badger placed his strong claw on the fox’s shoulder and smiled. “She will make a fine vixen. And you, a fine tod.”

    The fox smiled briefly before fading into an uncomfortable grimace. “The Wisp knows that I don’t deserve her. We love each other, though. I know I’m not meant to be with any other, but her Paw is not too fond of me. ” 

    “No one likes seeing their pup leave the den, Rasicare,” the badger replied. “Her pack is no different. It will be well.” 

    “I need to get off the Scherl, Cornelius.”

    “We’ve spoken about this, Rasicare. I can’t promise anything.”

    “You know I saw the Wisp when I was young,” Rasicare whispered, concealing his voice from any busybodies.

    “I know what you have told me,” Cornelius answered. 

    “And you know it’s my desire to be a part of the Order.” 

    The badger looked the fox in his heavy eyes. 

    “I know it is my destiny.” 

    “Not all are destined for the Order, Rasicare. And not all should be.”

    His mentor’s hopeless words depressed him.

    Cornelius smiled. “You see that squirrel over there, in that tree? The one higher up, acting as though he isn’t looking this direction.”

    “I see him.”

    “His name is Torlbey. I’ve mentored him for several seasons. He’s quite the musician and leader. But he just informed me that he won’t be meeting with me any longer. He does not need the help of the Order of the Ausbury, now that the Will of the Wisp has been seen again.”

    “That doesn’t make any sense,” Rasicare replied, dumbfounded and disappointed in the squirrel.

    “No, it doesn’t. But don’t worry. He will have a hard time getting away from me.”

    “What do you mean?”

    “The pursuit of a leader is an important trait in those of the Order. We are like Paws more than mentors. And Paws never let their pups get away.”

    “I see.”

    The mates stopped talking, for the Archbishop Douglas was addressing the crowd of animals from the stage behind the roaring bonfire.

    “Animal folk,” Douglas began. “It is an honor to stand with all of you tonight. This night is one I believe we will cherish for many seasons to come. It is not one in which we will recall merely the glory of the Wisp—No, I do not know if It shall appear! But this is a night beyond even that. It is a night to commemorate the faith in our Animal-kin. Look about you! Animals just like you, and yet unique in countless ways. Drawn to this place on a hope. And that hope is a holy thing. What we stand for tonight is the fact that our Animal-kin of Scherdal are still full of trust and belief.” 

    The wolf cleared his throat. His voice rose like an ascending piano, and as he spoke, the scent of honeysuckle came upon the animals. 

    “I know, more than most, that these have been difficult seasons. We have weathered storms, fought battles, and struggled deeply. And no battle has been greater than the one betwixt our ears and beneath our chests. The soul has been attacked!” 

    The wolf paused again, and his deep, black eyes held back tears. 

    “And tonight, I want you to hear from my own jowls—it is okay to hurt, and okay that you have been in pain. It is okay to cry and okay to howl—” 

    Rasicare noticed a nearby opossum had been moved to tears, and a dog howled in the distance.

    “—It is okay that you have wanted to give up. But you don’t have to give up. Look about you. This forest is full because others are just like you. As you know, I have dedicated my life in search of the Ausbury; and by that search, my soul belongs to the Will of the Wisp. Some animals asked me early today, ‘Are you going to Faerewode? Don’t you know it’s haunted?’ 

    “Owwooo! I know that I don’t care what’s called haunted and what’s not—what I care about is where the Will of the Wisp is!” 

    A howl of agreement erupted in the congregation. 

    “I don’t care how close to Faerewode’s ghouls I have to get if I can glimpse the Will of the Wisp. Because the Wisp is greater than all of that, and it can surely direct our paths.” 

    More agreeing howls. 

    “Look among you, animals. What do you see? That you are not alone in this. We stand here tonight under this new moon—a body. A body searching for the Will of the Wisp. And we can gather together always in that—”

    “Glory of the Wisp! I see it!” 

    The bleat and pointed hoof of an elk sent a shock reverberating through the crowd of animals like an invisible shockwave had passed through the forest. Each head jerked in horror, and then sudden relief, to then sudden wonder. Cheers, tears, screams, shouts, and bays were lifting higher and higher into the night sky. There it was! There was no denying it. The Will of the Wisp. The fiery orb, floating in bands of yellow, red and golden flame among the tree trucks and leafless branches; one moment here, and the next thirty paws north, and then ten paws east, pinging and ponging about the forest in silent mystery. Animals everywhere were kneeling and lifting their hooves and paws to the sky. Shouts, howls, and squeals rushed heavenward and the forest held itself like a duckling prepares to swim, wobbling in anticipation and full of ebullient joyful assignment; yet shocked and amazed in a fearful moment of freedom, like the chick who has leapt from her nest a day too early.

    For only a few moments, the light of the Wisp flickered, and then it was gone. A single moan from a desperate mouse lifted over the crowd. But from the way the once-despaired animals now acted, you would have thought the glory had imbued Itself upon them as it did Eorlhart long ago in the Aldamere. Shouts and cries of joy and celebration lifted higher and higher. The animals of Scherdal had found their hope again.

    Rasicare, too, found himself trapped by Its beauty. He had forgotten all of his questions or concerns in a moment. How could he ever doubt the presence? And how could he ever doubt Its power? He felt as though he were sprinting over the top of a mountain pass, and in his paws he carried the Wood, and from his lungs he exhaled the atmosphere. If he wanted, he could leap, and his paws would take him to the stars where he could walk among them and swallow the majesty of the suns and galaxies. He was leaping on an astral plane among the planets and glimpsing all existence from a new perspective. The Great Forest was ahead of him, and nothing mattered anymore. He had seen the Will of the Wisp again.

    It wasn’t until he recognized music playing that he knew he must have been caught in some sort of trance, whether from the power of the Wisp or the ecstasy of the mob. He opened his eyes to see the crowd of animals had dispersed from around him and were celebrating with food and dance. 

    A pair of skillful raccoons had picked up their instruments and were thumping away on lyres, while three opossums blew on flutes, and a pair of beavers slapped their tails on birch-skinned drums. Soon the melodic bleats and howls of elk, cows, and coyotes joined in, and the song chugged and bugged along in a pounding, glorious motion. The whitetails and rabbits danced in a wide, dangerous circle around the fire and stage; one hare joined the mix and leaped over the bounding deer; merry mice danced between their legs in bumbling happiness, like their adolescence had returned to them again. 

    Rasicare watched, and his heart was full. He had heard the legends of joy the Wisp brought with It from his Paw, when growing up; but to see it with his own eyes—the beauty of his animal-kin in dance and song, worshipping and lifting their praise to the Will of the Wisp. A she-beaver next to him was weeping for joy, and he surmised she must be the doe of Henry, who had first glimpsed the Wisp months ago. It was true. It was all true.

    Rasicare, grinning and gleeful, looked up to his mentor and was shocked to see the badger standing stoic and expressionless. Cornelius’ grave face was so despondent it nearly scared the fox. He cocked his head to the side and giggled. “How in the Wood can the old badger never find excitement, even in the presence of the Wisp?” He thought to himself. He shrugged and shook his head, ignoring the badger, and joined in the dance with the she-beaver next to him.

    The blissful dance lasted for an hour; shouts, tears, and new songs echoed throughout the forest, until Archbishop Douglas took to the stage again and held his paws high. The band slowed their tempo and lessened their dynamics. Douglas smiled and you could see the great, beautiful wolf had been crying just as much as the best of them.

    “My brethren,” said he, quietly, and the bustle of animals hushed to a whisper. “I believe this is only the beginning. Something is happening in our midst and it is beautiful. I believe we will see the Will of the Wisp revealed, and soon and very soon, something magnificent will happen to our community. Keep your eye to the Wisp and your ear for Its Whisper. We will find the Ausbury again, and Scherdal will bring Its glory back home.”

    A shout of joy and amazement shook the forest from limb to root.



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