I do not mean empathy by definition. Instead what empathy has become.
Many of us saw the cartoon a decade or so ago that explained sympathy vs empathy as a dichotomy between “that’s a terrible thing you are going through; now pick yourself up, it’s not so bad” and “I’m sorry this happened. Let’s sit here and feel it together.”
I believe this little video had good intentions, but ultimately was used by the Enemy and some very crafty individuals to plant a seed that the act of encouraging and helping someone change to succeed is a terrible notion. And rather, to let someone stay as they are and feeling all of their pain, anguish, and misery is, not only normal, but superlative.
This form of Empathy was formed as an idea of psychology and counseling, a way to walk with others out of their grief, rather than force them from it. It makes sense for a carnal counselor to reason they have no solution to the world’s problems.
But ultimately, Empathy had no business in the Church to begin with. Jesus never used empathy. He used compassion. The difference here being, he did not merely feel our pain (which He definitively did) but gave us the solution, freedom and atonement from it.
When we use a model like “let’s just feel your pain together” as the cartoon suggests, whilst simultaneously having the salvation from such pain, we are acting like one who refuses to give a life vest to a drowning individual only because that individual may need to feel his drowning to the end. What’s worse, empathy suggests we get in the water with the individual and start drowning ourselves so that we can feel what they are feeling, too. The Drowning Man turns and says “Oh, are you drowning, too?” “No, I have a lifeline tied over to the shore actually. I just wanted you to know I feel what you feel.”
What’s even more terrible in this metaphor is that I’ve seen the equivalent of the Drowning Man asking the other with the lifeline if he can grab hold and use his lifeline, too. But because of some misguided view of empathy, political-correctness, or (unfortunately to be true of most western pastors) a fear of being sued for offering his lifeline, the man tied to the shore refuses the Drowning Man any more help than merely treading water alongside him.
The Drowning Man may find some other lifeline elsewhere, or perhaps a better representative of salvation to help him to shore, but most drown in misery.
A perfect picture of “empathy versus compassion” in the Bible is the story found in Matthew 9:23. Jesus enters a house where a little girl has died. The flute players and wailing mourners are there parading all their empathy. The Christ declares she is only sleeping and they immediately ridicule and scoff at him. He kicks the charlatans out of the house and raises the girl back to life.
Again I’ve experienced this moment exactly. Where I’ve personally witnessed such miracles as raising my son from the dead, healing our daughters of Down syndrome diagnosis, cancer disappeared, deaf ears open, tumors popped, broken bones snapped into place, and countless lives restored to peace and joy, I’ve also encountered those who act as though they are compassionate, but are rather mere charlatans who grow offended when you offer life and healing instead of just accepting what life has already dealt you.
Empathy has turned into the show of wailing and flute playing, offended by true compassion and help. “How dare you suggest that person needs to change in order to find happiness! They are perfectly fine in their sin!”
A church that preaches empathy without action (by definition, compassion) is a farce, a demonic circus. The minister who suggests we feel the pain of others instead of offering salvation is a minister of Satan. And it’s a religious sort like this that mocked Jesus for being who he was and were thus kicked out of the house.
Now, some of my more literate colleagues will point out the verse found in Romans 12:15. “Rejoice with those who rejoice. Weep with those who weep.”
And for that, I applaud you. You found the one verse in the New Testament that would suggest we feel others pain. But this idea of empathy is not without action. In fact, the 20th verse tells us to feed and clothe such a person. Not to leave them there. And our food is not bread alone.
Empathy with action is compassion. And this is fine—If the compassionate individual is not trying to acquire or embody the pain of the other individual. That is what Christ did, not what we feign to do (we are not strong enough).
And that leads me to another thought. Many western Christians today are acting as through they must become more Christ-like than Christ Himself. They suggest it’s wrong to point out the sins or faithlessness of another. Yet Christ called his followers a perverse and faithless generation when they let unbelief in their hearts (Matthew 17:17).
Of course, I’m not suggesting we walk around pointing out sins everywhere. But surely the notion of helping someone in need and correcting what is wrong is not blasphemous behavior. It’s thinking like this that has made such a weak and perverse Christian generation.
So you may get to the end of this reading and consider I am heartless. On the contrary, I am full of passion, compassion and a desire to help. So much so that I would rather face the ridicule of the charlatan Christians who weep and wail with their flutes but don’t accomplish anything.
And I would encourage you to do the same. Be bold in your faith and words. Change the world. It’s ripe and hungry for change.
And for those who consider me to be a tone-deaf microcosm of an echo chamber, I would agree with you that I am tone deaf to faithlessness, and my echo chamber is the Word of God. Not the carnal world or cultural climate.
Crave the Word. It is all that we can hold onto.
Keith G. Alderman 